Silver

Well, guess who's been depressed lately?


But enough of that! Down, children!

I'm back, despite spending the last few days ripping my hair out over silly arguments and trying to keep the peace when no one will really tell me what's going on (and the less said about that, the better), I have been thinking an awful lot about RTD's rather genius idea to try and sell the Torchwood format to FOX.

I admit, I was wary of the idea at first. FOX - the most conservative station in the United States of America - taking over and possibly maybe but not quite yet ordering a pilot for a script they never actually asked for? What could possibly go wrong? If you ask me, that's a smash-hit waiting to happen, considering how everyone is rushing and fighting to claim the rights to the franchise.

So, taking a leaf out of Joss Whedon's book, I have decided to write an open letter to the BBC detailing, in my opinion, the best possible move they could now make for Torchwood [warnings for slight CoE and RTD bash]:

Dear BBC,

I am writing to make you a serious offer for the currently ruined and tattered BBC Wales series Torchwood, before you actually consider selling the format to the US station FOX. After speaking with my accountant, we have assessed its current value and have decided to make you an offer that you simply cannot possibly refuse.

Right now, I hold in my hand a cheque for £100 for the entire franchise, including the rights to continue it into a fourth series on BBC Wales with a new creative team at the helm. I propose that said team may or may not include myself, Chris Chibnall, Joseph Lidster and a five-year-old child with wax crayons to substitute the sorely missed Russell T. Davies.

I would also request that my online friend who I've never actually physically met, kholran, is allowed to fly over for the duration of the production process. I wish to introduce a brand new concept to Torchwood that will hopefully bring radical change and further strength to the writing and production of the series. This invigorating and original concept is called the 'Continuation Whiteboard', and already I can see it being a huge success. I told Khol that she could be the one to write on it, as long as she doesn't draw cocks.

As I have already paid my license fee for this year, the total I shall be offering in payment (including this non-optional fee) for the Torchwood franchise will be £255.99, which also includes my proffered cheque for £100 and the £15.99 I paid for my rather disappointing and extra-feature-free DVD copy of Torchwood: Children of Earth.

Please consider this generous offer - as Jesus said, the poor man who gives all he has is more generous than the rich man who gives a large portion (or something along those lines) - and I am more than sure you can see just how profitable it will be for both the BBC and the reinvigoration of Torchwood as a show and institution to accept it.

Sincerely,

Silver

Purveyor of Slash Fiction and Tomfoolery
[hopefully soon-to-be Head Writer and Exec Producer of Torchwood)

On a different note, when I've finished pulling out of my Bad Place, I shall return to publishing fiction. Right now all I seem to be able to produce is Jack-hating bile, so do excuse me if I don't share it with you all in case you try and get me locked up. I was advised to publish it for catharsis, but have decided to go with my 'you still want readers' instinct.


If any of you can think of anything to cheer me up, please share before I turn away from this fandom for good.



Much love to all,




Silver

xx

Title: Another Life
Chapter: 02 | ??
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Alternate Universe, Romance
Rating: NC-17 just to be safe.
Warnings: A bit of angst, and some tentacles in the future.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: Ianto finds himself heartbroken and alone, but eventually learns that no matter what point in Captain Jack Harkness' life he finds himself, they will always fall in love.





Torchwood Index/Masterlist

FIRST PART












Another Life
( Part Two )

Okay, I'm trying to post the Epilogue for your Hallowe'en treat, but my internet has gone DOWN! (and I mean down!)


Yes, at 5:45, fifteen minutes after the people who can fix my internet left work, the Internet died. This greatly upset myself, and my housemate.

After an hour of no Internets, we were so bored, we ended up making Jenga tower out of DVDs. I won.

So, in despair, I have come to the University Library in the hope of possibly posting the Epilogue. I put it in a nice neat Word.docx, all typed up, self-beta'd and ready to be copied and pasted onto LiveJournal. I sit down at the computer, I swtich it on, I log in .... the systems are too old to read the Office 07 .docx format. Joy. The 2003 one they have also hates me so much, it refuses to convert it for me into something it can read.

I think "Well, it's not the end of the world ... I'll just go home and save the file in different formt. No biggie, and everyone can do with a walk every now and then". So I walk all the way home, convert the file to rich text, and walk all the way back. What's the issue now? Oh, the computer bank I've been using before has been closed for cleaning, so I need to go to the other one in the Reading Room. Fine, okay.

I discover that these read 2007 .docx files and go silently mental.

... still an issue? Clearly.

The bastard thing won't read my USB! I've tried about three different stations, and nothing will accept my little pink USB pen exists.

I promise I will get this Epilogue up tonight, even though everything is against me. I think God might be Gwack (I typed that and thought: 'duh? What has that shouty man with the signs and sandwich board on Chester highstreet been telling you all this time?') because he's the only one who would possibly try and stop me from doing anything.

Whether my sanity will survive until morning remains questionable.

You better all love me.

And I mean love me lots.


Even if you don't like the ending ... which I think you might not ...


It's bit ... RTD ....




EDIT:

Here's the DVD Jenga Tower of DOOOOOOOOM

( sorry ... didn't realise how big the photies were! )

_{Points if you can guess the DVDs you can't see.}




I think the clear message here is: DO. NOT. TAKE. THE. INTERNETS. AWAY. FROM. GEEKS.

*sigh*



A shirt only a mother could love ...









And OH.MY.GOD. Gareth David-Lloyd back when he was just Gareth Lloyd ...











I have nothing much to say about those photos, aside from the fact Gareth was clearly the offspring of Ianto and Adam.

This started in another thread ... thought maybe you'd all like to join in. Warnings for Honest Children of Earth Bashing.

Spot the Plot Holes!

Day One

An SUV with a triple deadlock seal is nicked by some chavs when the Doctor isn't able to unlock deadlock seals with his sonic screwdriver. - caz251 - I think the chavs bricked the windows. Y'know ... the bulletproof windows that bullets can't get through but apparently bricks can? The magic ones? [- Silver]

How come, in Countrycide Ianto can track the SUV using his PDA ... but with the entire Hub at his disposal doesn't even bother?

Why was Rhys in a van at that time in the morning? If he was on his way to work, he'd be in his car. He's transport manager - he wouldn't be in a van at that time of the morning (if at all). - caz251

Ianto tells his sister that it's just Jack he's attracted to, when in previous Torchwood books he's commented on the sexual attractiveness of other men, made out with other men and in The Twilight Streets openly referred to himself as bisexual.

Why does Bridget Spears give Lois (a temp, who has her first day at the office) her password, that gives Lois access to all the super secret government stuff including killing orders?
Even if it was necessary in the beginnig, how can Bridget not change the password later on? - sawyer4kate

Presumably the government wanted to kill Jack because he knew about and participated in the 1965 incident. But, if Jack hadn't spoken about before, why did they assume he would now? Why would they want to kill the planet's best chance of defeating its enemy? - sophyl

If Jack inexplicably had to be killed, why was it necessary to kill Gwen and Ianto? Wouldn't an alien-fighting organization be a help rather than a hindrance in this situation? - sophyl

Hello, remember the rift, that volatile entity the hub is centered on? Wouldn't a Big Spiky Metal Bomb being detonated on top of it cause a massive crater where Cardiff used to be or at the very least, an enormous hole right through the middle of time and space? - sophyl

Psst, Bridget, here is a super top secret order to assassinate everyone who knew about the 1965 government deal with the aliens, so make sure you order the hit in an e-mail sent under your username. - sophyl

Jack couldn't feel that Big Spiky Metal Bomb in his stomach - really? WTF? Did you see the size of that thing on the scan?

Big Spiky Metal Bomb ... with a two mile blast radius that in reality would have killed Ianto on Day One, (what with him being only a few meters away) and most of the Plass. with about 4 seconds left, Ianto isn't really even at the top of the lift and only walks away with a scratch. He's not sent flying through the air or have broken bones or anything. - diggybear

Why did all the London buses have "Arriva Wales" public travel services logos on the side?

After the explosion, we see Gwen gets a tongue of fire whipping up right in her face and she falls back afterwards. Beginning of day 2, she has no burns on her face, just trouble with her vision and can't hear anything.

I am sorrym but someone who was in such close proximity to fire would have mark after that (hair burn etc) - jpren678


Day Two

Should we even bother to mention how Gwen and Ianto miraculously evaded the snipers? - alinoradesancto

We saw at the end of Day One that Johnson and her men were sat in a vehicle rather close to the Plass - so where was she when Ianto and Gwen surfaced from the two-mile blast radius bomb that somehow didn't kill them?

We know from previous episodes of TW that there's a huge mortuary/morgue full of dead ex-Torchies, aliens, weevils, etc, at the hub. So after the huge bomb blast, the area should have been littered with body parts, human and non-human - not just Jack's. - flobberchops

Jack's body parts - so the bits they found they put in a body bag and they re-knit themselves into a new Jack. So what did the bits of body they didn't find do? Did they also grow into new Jacks - are there multiple Jacks now running around generated from all the bits? - flobberchops

Ianto, using only a number plate and (his sister's laptop managed to track down a vehicle but yet again failed to search for the SUV? - alinoradesancto

Ianto was far enough away that he had to use binoculars to see what was going on but could still hear Jack scream? (And know it was Jack?) - alinoradesancto

The concrete cell took an afternoon to dry solid, when a much thinner pavement takes about a day, and a poured concrete wall about - oh - three?

Look at the size of the cell Jack was in via the CCTV and compare it to the size of the concrete slab Ianto ripped out of the wall. Jack would have had to be standing up in the cell for it to be shaped that way. - helenscho

Said concrete block could also be lifted by an 8 tonne limit tractor [despite weighing in the region of 40 - no offence Mr. Barrowman.]

How would Ianto know the depth and height of the foundations behind the wall to get the aim of the fork lift right and not break the prongs on the concrete block (or the bricks, for that matter ...)

The tractor not falling off the edge of the quarry that didn't appear in any ariel shots of the vicinity, but must have been close because they remained miraculously uncaptured ...

Ianto drops the concrete slab containing Jack into the quarry, freeing him. Realistically speaking, Jack should have been pulled apart once again since the hard concrete having been adhered to the soft tissue wouldn't simply have detached. - there's also the fact that being encased in concrete like that sucks all the water from your body and leaves burns. - ice_whisper

why didn't Jack have any concrete in his orifices? It might not be glamourous to watch, but JB pulling a concrete stick out of his arse would've been wonderfully realistic after being trapped in a Magi-Dry© concrete cell ...

The atmosphere pumped into the sealed chamber built to 456 instructions contains a number of poisonous gasses, including "12% fluorine". Fluorine, (atomic number 8) is the only gas more reactive than oxygen; flammable substances exposed to pure fluorine at room temperature are likely to burst into flame. It is quite likely that the mixture described might well explode as soon as it was mixed.

Since this organization is actively hunting down Torchwood, wouldn't the guard at the gate recognize Gwen? - sophyl

A forklift carrying a 40-ton Jack-in-the-Block of miraculously quick-drying cement does not move very fast. Johnson and her team could probably catch up to it while walking. - sophyl

After Rhys moved the oil tanker with its keys conveniently left in the ignition across the road, he blew it up with a hand gun, thereby setting the oil on fire. Could not happen. Unless Rhys was using special hollow point, armour piercing bullets and one hell of a big gun. There have actually been papers written on this stale, overused-by-unimaginative-writers trope. - sophyl

World's slowest car chase - baddies in souped-up sedan can't catch up with a jcb doing about 8 miles an hour before they blow up the tanker (which couldn't actually be blown up by a handgun) that blocks the baddies path? Also, why didn't aforementioned baddies just drive round blazing tanker on the huge grass verges that were on either side of blazing tanker in the road. - flobberchops - Because of the "Keep off the Grass sign"> - ffrengig_moron - [sorry, thought it was funny ... - Silver]

There were sentries at the gate on the way in, so why didn't they stop Torchwood on their way out? - sophyl




Day Three

Pertaining to the warehouse ...

1. Where did they get the sofa?

2. And the office chairs/desks

3. Oil drums? Okay ...

4. I know it was blurry ... but had they somehow got a kitchen?

5. ... and pots and pans? *beans*

6. Speaking of breaking in ... where did Ianto manage to get his Crowbar of Doom?

7. How did they get sufficient electrity and Internet access in a derelict warehouse? - helenscho

8. How did Jack get clean? How was there running water in the abandoned warehouse? I'm sure utility companies tend to shut down these supplies if no one is paying for them. - joymaro

If they keep track of their tech, why didn't someone notice the contact lenses were missing before Gwen showed up with them? It did seem like she had them for a while - diggybear

How was Lois (a mere secretary) allowed to get so close to the 456 wearing the contact lenses etc without someone telling her to back away...and why was she allowed in the room at all? - helenscho

If I recall Reset correctly (it's been awhile though, so this might be bogus), Team!Torchwood were able to hear what Copley and the Nurse were saying to Martha...so why did they only have clumsy lip-reading software after that? - magicmalcom

Why would Gwen (ex-policewoman) need to teach Jack (ex-intergalatical conman) and Ianto (ex-petty thief and cyberwoman smuggler) how to be a criminal? - alinoradesancto

Alice knew enough to not use her own phone to ask about Jack but then only went outside her own house to make the call? - alinoradesancto

Although at the beginning of the episode Jack appears in borrowed clothing, he has apparently still managed to hang onto his own boots despite apparently previously losing everything.




Day Four

Six words: Virus. Released. From. Air. Tight. Tank.

How come Dekker (or whatever his name, the bastard who was sooo happy and in glee about Stephen being killed) survived? Wasn't the poison suppose to be spontaneous, as in: "It's too late, I already breathed it" fatal. He surely breathed some before putting those protecting clothes...? - elanor12

The man who prepares for any and every eventuality, walks into a room housing a hostile alien terducken encased in a poison filled tank, with just a handgun as a show of support for the man who may or may not be his boyfriend. No gas mask just in case the bullets from his handgun actually manage to shatter the bullet-proof glass and release the poisonous air into the room. No, sorry, don't buy it. - sophyl

Also, didn't Jack know enough about aliens and the probable atmosphere of the tank to realize that shooting at it, with the intention to break it, while Ianto was in the room, was a very very bad idea??? - joymaro

Viruses do not kill immediately. Repeat, viruses do not kill immediately. That is a physical impossibility against all the laws of nature. It cannot happen. Viruses infect the body, mutate, attack cells and then kill the host. At the most, Ianto and everyone else at Thames House should be in quarantine somewhere while a cure is sought. - sophyl

After killing everyone, the virus just disappeared so it was almost immediately safe for anyone else to enter the building? - sophyl

And if the 456 killed everyone on the planet, wouldn't they also be killing their one chance to acquire more of their drug? - sophyl

Oh and how did Ianto get in there without protection? They knew the 456 had threatened before with poison, and they didn't think to protect themselve before saying "You're leaving or it's war"? Come on! It's Ianto! Always prepared! - elanor12



Day Five

Why the hell does Andy, who has never even met Ianto (at least on TV) ask Gwen if he was gay? Is that really the first thing on his mind while he is on his way to tell the family about Ianto´s death? - sawyer4kate

ohnson's crew have been monitoring Torchwood and its computer system for years? Without Tosh noticing? My arse they did. - [Unknown site tag] - - They watched but obviously didn't know much about the Hub because they had to give Jack 5 minutes to make sure he was inside properly to blow it up. - diggybear

Exactly how did Spears manage to record anything with the lenses when there was absolutely no computer or laptop working at that moment to record anything??? Unless of course the lenses have an internal hd or something... which I highly doubt. You'd still have to press "rec" somewhere - di_br

The army stop chasing Gwen, Rhys and children despite the 456 only just being destroyed - surely they wouldn't have recieved the order yet. - thehubsitter

So ... Jack sends a sound signal to destroy the 456, right? So ... there should be more 456 in big Millions of Children Carrying Space Ships in the sky right? Especially since sound - even Magic Child Singing in Falsetto Sound - can't actually travel in space ... - kholran


General/Overall

MARTHA?! OMG WHERE THE HELL WAS MARTHA DURING ALL OF THIS? DID SHE NOT TRY TO CALL THE DOCTOR? - joymaro

UNIT were ready to blow up the whole planet with the Osterhagen Key when the Dalek's arrived on Dr Who, but here they just shrugged their shoulders and did nothing? - flobberchops

So they only way the 456 can come down and threaten you is if you build them an airtight glass chamber for them to live in. Here's an idea - don't build the chamber! - flobberchops

They blew up TW to keep Jack quiet and preserve their secret doing sin 1965. What made them think the aliens would keep quiet about 1965? - flobberchops

What about the magic self-cleaning glass of the 456's tank? The 456 sneezes all over the place every 5 seconds only for it to instantly disappear... - i_bananas

Why did the 456 need the kids to be rounded up, when they could have just beamed/used their Magic Fire of Teleportation© to pick them up from their playgrounds using in-depth knowledge of world time zones and kiddies' play times?

Everyone in the world was in complete compliance with the UK - wtf? Even Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq and Korea? Really?? They just agreed to go with what us Brits were telling them to do? Talk about neglect of current affairs in the oh-so-real world of Torchwood: Children of Earth. I mean ... even France hates us, and we're not at war/ political conflict with them!!

For two seasons, we've been told that "the 21st century is when everything changes," and we've believed it because Jack, a time agent from the 51st century knows what is going to happen in our time. I can accept that he doesn't know small events such as cannibals, fairies, sleeper agents, night travelers and even Abbadon, but an event so large that every politician, bureaucrat, soldier/marine and government in the world is a willing participant (and how realistic is that) should have made the history books. If the entire premise of Torchwood is to be believed, then Jack should have known about the 456, he should have seen them coming. - sophyl

Why did the scar on Ianto's cheek never start to scab? Even after 3 days, it would have got at least a little crusty - helenscho - The only reason I medically think for this is that he had some kind of blood illness that no one knew about (even the writers!). Like leukemia or AIDS. Delightful. [- Silver]

NOTE: Ianto's scar stays bright red to draw attention to it. Just as all of the bender, gay boy, taking it up the ass, pervert, who's the queer, I can smell it on him references, a scar shaped exactly like a lambda, the international symbol for gay pride, was used to draw attention to the fact Ianto was gay/bi/it's just Jack. - sophyl








As before, add your suggestions here! Tell your Torchwood buddies and lets see how many we get ...

Contest any 'plot holes' here too. If you can think of an explanation for them (that's viable beyond 'A WIZARD DID IT!') just post it here and I'll see whether or not I'll change/ remove it.

Maybe we could do a thread for S1/S2 plot holes? We have had to ignore quite a few ... :-P

Is there no justice in this world????





Jonathan Creek has its budget sawn in half

Alan Davies, star of the magician’s assistant turned detective show Jonathan Creek has revealed he fears for the quality of the show after the BBC slashed the drama’s budget in half.

The comedian also confessed he had taken a 25 per cent pay cut to appear in a forthcoming 90 minute special. Writing on his Twitter account he commented:

"Just had a 25 per cent pay cut on Jonathan Creek. The BBC are driving down talent costs."

The special, entitled The Judas Tree, is due to air over Easter next year.



From iTricks

Pffffffffffffffft. As if not getting a whole series wasn't enough, BBC have pulled a budget cut (and I've just signed on for a new license fee. It's like they know - which, judging from the debacle that was Children of Earth, they clearly don't).

Just quickly:


Jack and Ianto In The Rain





Click to Enlarge ^^





Fic update later on!