Torchwood IMs: Ianto and Gwen's IMs III

[a_silver_story]

Title: Ianto and Gwen's IMs III
Chapter: 78
Characters: Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour, smut
Rating: R
Warnings: M.M implied
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: See title, really.


FIRST PART | Ianto and Gwen's IM's


PREVIOUS | Torchwood Index/Masterlist





77 |










IM 78



GWEN has entered the conversation


GWEN: Hi love!

MR JONES: Hi Gwen.
MR JONES: Er ... you know how I said you could have the week off?

GWEN: Yes

MR JONES: ... could you come back?

GWEN: Why?
GWEN: I have flu-like symptoms!
GWEN: ... trouble in Paradise?

MR JONES: You could say that.
MR JONES: ... and your flu-like symptoms were totally fictional.

GWEN: What happened, sweetheart?

MR JONES: Do I have to go into detail?

GWEN: Is it embarrassing?

MR JONES: For Jack, I suppose.

GWEN: Then yes: you have to go into detail.

MR JONES: *sigh*
MR JONES: He told me he loves me.

GWEN: Really?

MR JONES: Yes, really. I don't know if it's true - I was starting to think maybe he couldn't fall in love.
MR JONES: But the look on his face when he said it ... I think he does.
MR JONES: I know he does.
MR JONES: ... but that's not why you have to come back.

GWEN: Why? What happened?

MR JONES: I ... didn't react well.

GWEN: ...?

MR JONES: Instead of making my own declaration of love ... I asked him if the world was ending.

GWEN: LMFAO!
GWEN: Oh ... boys!
GWEN: Never, ever say the right thing when you need to.

MR JONES: Shuddup. That's sexist :-P

GWEN: ... but entirely based on truth.
GWEN: Just think how hard it would have been for Jack to tell you how he felt!
GWEN: It's hard enough getting a normal bloke to talk about feelings - and you went and ruined it!

MR JONES: Yeah, yeah.
MR JONES: I'm an idiot.
MR JONES: I don't need telling again ...

GWEN: Who else has informed you of your idiocy?

MR JONES: It feels like even Janet is looking down on me in disgust.
MR JONES: Jack's not talking to me.
MR JONES: Rhiannon just laughed at me down the phone for five minutes.
MR JONES: ... and now you're taking notes to gossip with Rhys about.

GWEN: Well ... I could tell Susan at the dry cleaners.

MR JONES: Oh no ... don't!

GWEN: Ianto and Susan up a tree ...

MR JONES: She doesn't need any more encouragement.

GWEN: Neither does Detective Swanson ...

MR JONES: Careful. Jack probably has her name on a filter ...

GWEN: Is she still crushing on you, then?

MR JONES: I dunno. I don't care.

GWEN: Yes you do.

MR JONES: Every man has an ego, Gwen :-P

GWEN: Your ego is nothing compared to You-Know-Who's

MR JONES: Russell T. Davies?

GWEN: No. Jack.
GWEN: Who's Russell T. Davies?

MR JONES: A writer of some action adventure series. You'd probably like him, but me and Jack think he's fairly mediocre.

GWEN: What action adventure series does he write?

MR JONES: Frozentree.

GWEN: I thought that was a science fiction show?

MR JONES: So did we!
MR JONES: Apparently not, though.

GWEN: Oh. But it worked perfectly well with the formula they developed over the first couple of seasons. Why change it?

MR JONES: The
MR JONES: Male
MR JONES: Ego

GWEN: Ohhh. But at least the feisty female lead is still around.

MR JONES: I don't like Russellina that much.

GWEN: Why not? She's a good role model for modern feminism!

MR JONES: If standing on a mound of dead homosexuals with a baby under one arm, a husband hanging off the other and an AK-47 strapped to your back while wearing quite nice boots is your thing ... then yes. What a wonderful advertisement for the advancement of equal values in our society.

GWEN: I see your point. It is nice to have a strong female lead though - since Buffy, most female leads on television have been into shopping, shoes and men.

MR JONES: Yeah but ... people actually liked Buffy. Russellina hasn't got enough of the fan base on her side for the show to continue now that Jacob and Ieuan have been killed off/gone into space in search of the Nurse.

GWEN: Ieuan was cute, but really ... he quite blank.

MR JONES: Ieuan was blank??? One word for you my dear: Robotwoman!

GWEN: One episode at the beginning of the first series where he's shown to have a bit of background doesn't make for an interesting character!

MR JONES: IT DOES!
MR JONES: He was a very deep character - it's not my fault you couldn't pay attention long enough to read the subtext.

GWEN: I prefer Russellina. You don't have to bother with subtext with her - everything you need to know is pretty much spoon-fed. There's no mystery to have to concern yourself with.

MR JONES: *splutters*
MR JONES: Russellina was a rather mediocre policewoman [see bar fight in episode 1], who caused many, many deaths on her first day at Frozenwood. She then started an affair with Oliver (even though she knew Tash liked him), she told Ryan about the affair ... then drugged him to make him forget so that her own conscience would be clear! I dunno about you ... but I wouldn't add this person on Myspace.

GWEN: Everyone makes mistakes!

MR JONES: Okay ... an affair I can forgive. She's only human. But drugging him? That's a form of abuse!
MR JONES: And poor Jacob :'(

GWEN: You have a massive crush on Jacob. Don't deny it.

MR JONES: He's so much like Jack, it's scary.

GWEN: Mmmm. Anyway ... science fiction aside ...

MR JONES: *cough* action adventure *cough*

GWEN: Action adventure ... woteva. It's sci-fi.
GWEN: How are you going to make it up to Jack?

MR JONES: Dunno.

GWEN: *rolls eyes*

MR JONES: That's my trait. Hand it back!

GWEN: Sowwi *hands back eye roll*

MR JONES: Thank you. Anyways ... as you were saying ...

GWEN: You could take him out and get him rat arsed.

MR JONES: ... and control him ... how?

GWEN: Oh. Fair point.

MR JONES: Yah.

GWEN: Why don't you just walk up behind him, put your arms around his waist and whisper "I love you" in his ear.

MR JONES: Because that's spontaneously romantic, and I'm a man.

GWEN: Just cuddle him then!

MR JONES: ... men don't cuddle ...

GWEN: Yes you do. You cuddle Rhys all the time.
GWEN: And when you're drunk you tell me all kinds of things
GWEN: ... and don't even pretend you don't snuggle ...

MR JONES: I don't.

GWEN: Do

MR JONES: Don't.

GWEN: Do.

MR JONES: DON'T INFINITY! And if you say 'do' you smell of rotten eggs!

GWEN: Stop it. You asked for my help.

MR JONES: Sorry. I'm going a little stir crazy
MR JONES: ... and a plant sprayed me with something earlier.

GWEN: ... it wasn't the turquoise one, was it?

MR JONES: Oh God no!
MR JONES: I sincerely hope that never, ever manages to sneeze on either me or Jack.

GWEN: It is interesting though ... just who the aphrodisiac in its pollen makes you consider sleeping with ...

MR JONES: I seem to remember we had to sedate you to keep you off Tosh.

GWEN: Yeah.
GWEN: That was ... interesting.
GWEN: I had lots of ... lovely dreams.

MR JONES: About Tosh?

GWEN: Well ... not exclusively.

MR JONES: Tut tut!
MR JONES: ... who else was there? :-P

GWEN: And you call me nosey! Do I ask you about your aphrodisiac induced dreams?

MR JONES: You can if you want.

GWEN: Go on then: who's in your dreams?

MR JONES: ... Jack :-P

GWEN: Who else?

MR JONES: Ohhhh no! Not telling.

GWEN: Then I won't tell you what you were doing in my dream

MR JONES: ... I was in you dream?

GWEN: ... oops.
GWEN: Yes.
GWEN: But ... you weren't like .... y'know

MR JONES: Nekkid and doing stuff? :-P

GWEN: Well ... less nekkid than I was ... but ... doing stuff

MR JONES: Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah waoh
MR JONES: ... you had an aphrodisiac and sedative induced sex dream about me?
MR JONES: Does Rhys know?

GWEN: If I hadn't had an extra glass of wine, you wouldn't either!

MR JONES: Hahahaha.
MR JONES: .... was I good?

GWEN: Shut up.
GWEN: And you're acting all okay with it, but I know for a fact you'll be sat at your computer blushing like a virgin!

MR JONES: Shuddup. I'm not the one having obscene sex dreams about colleagues.

GWEN: Don't make me pour turquoise vine pollen on you!

MR JONES: ... you honestly believe that Jack would sedate me if I was so horny I would probably shag even you to get a release?

GWEN: Probably not ...
GWEN: And whaddya mean "even me"?

MR JONES: You're ... not my type?

GWEN: *hmph*
GWEN: See ya later, Ianto.
GWEN: And I'm sure you'll cope with Jack on your own.

MR JONES: Ahhh no! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!



GWEN has left the conversation



MR JONES: *headdesk*















FIN









Couldn't resist the minor CoE bashing. It was just ... screaming at me ...









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Comments

[griza.livejournal.com]

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove the COE bashing:D

Ianto did fuck up there so I dont blame Gwen for leaving him to fix this. Pah to Ianto not cuddling. Men!

[naddypants.livejournal.com]

*Bashes CoE*

YAY! LOL
Oh dear. :')
Please tell me him and Jack will make up.

Although I'm strangely okay with Gwen not talking to him :')
Well, it's not strange at all.
It's fact.

Also. Russellina. GENIUS CHILD!

[angelkitty101.livejournal.com]

I did love the CoE bashing. Russellina, brilliant!!! I LOL'd

Loved the image of the AK47 weilding woman stood on the mound of corpses with the baby! Brill!

Oh, and gosh Ianto's daft sometimes! Honestly, 1 hug and it'll start going right, silly sod!

[charlotte3006.livejournal.com]

LMFAO!!!!!!
When you first mentioned RTD I thought ".....hang on." and then spent the next five minutes laughing my head off :') FROZENTREE! BRILLIANT!!! :'D Russellina! Hehe, nawwh!

And ohhhhh, boys :') Jack and Ianto are so silly in love :) I'm so glad you updated this; I was missing it so much!

[electrictoes.livejournal.com]

Silly Ianto. Look forward to more. With manly snuggling!

[eleni81.livejournal.com]

Russellina?!? LMAO!!!!!!!!!
This was priceless woman!

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

Russelina et al... absolute genius, made me giggle and smile broadly

wonderful, I love this

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

*falls on floor laughing* OMG! The COE bashing was just genius... pure genius!!! :D

MR JONES: ... you honestly believe that Jack would sedate me if I was so horny I would probably shag even you to get a release?

GWEN: Probably not ...
GWEN: And whaddya mean "even me"?

MR JONES: You're ... not my type?

*giggles snorts* Oh Ianto. I don't think he'd stoop that low even if he was drugged up on alien aphrodisiac's. lol

Poor Ianto... he needs to think of something good to make up with Jack. Though... I kinda can't blame him for his reaction. lol

[manu4380.livejournal.com]

Haha!
Loved it.
And the "minor CoE bashing" was just plain awesome. xD

I absolutely loved the last lines:

GWEN: And I'm sure you'll cope with Jack on your own.
MR JONES: Ahhh no! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!
GWEN has left the conversation
MR JONES: *headdesk*

Let's wait and see what Ianto is going to do now.
(Will that be soon?)

[elanor12.livejournal.com]

Yay update!

LoL at the COE bashing. Hilarious!

Silly Ianto...

[zsazsa4168.livejournal.com]

LMFAO indeed! C'mon you manippers! I want to SEE Russellina brandishing baby and weapon, and wearing boots that nobody believes she'd run around town in all day.
BTW you know you will never hear me complaining about bashing, as long as it's clever. And you are a clever minx!

[magicmalcolm.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, Ianto really needs to cure his latest bout of Foot-In-Mouth Disease pronto. He's rapidly running out of people to talk to!

Because that's spontaneously romantic, and I'm a man.

*Boots Ianto in the arse*

These things aren't mutually exclusive, you dope! When Gwen's making more sense than you are, it's time to re-evaluate your stance on things.

...although Gwen is clearly VERY wrong about her views of Frozentree. Can't imagine why she'd connect more with a character like Russellina than Ieuan. ;)

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

When Gwen's making more sense than you are, it's time to re-evaluate your stance on things.





I hope no one ever has to say that to me! Hehehehe.

And ICON LOVE <3

[yantoharkness.livejournal.com]

love the RTD bashing in my heart i want to believe that RTD is gonna pull a Rose and Ianto WILL come back.

Like we only hear jack talk about Ianto in season 4 (like the doctor did with Rose) then last episode Gwen trys to get him to move on and replace ianto telling him to let Ianto go BUT Jack looks behind her and in the door way stands Ianto.

Stupid i know but just an idea.

Been looking forward to the next part of this fic all week can't wait fo next part.

[torchyj.livejournal.com]

OMG that would be an epic episode... I can imagine Ianto just stood in the door way watching Jack, a nervous and tearful expression on his face... guh... You MUST submit that idea to he who must not be named!

[goddess-ophelia.livejournal.com]

hahaha! Poor Gwen!! Lovely update! I missed these!

[agent-girlsname.livejournal.com]

Ahh i misses the IM series!!!!

Loved the COE bashing! Bloody RTD *shakes fist*

[torchyj.livejournal.com]

I've not laughed so much in bloody ages! That was a fantastic chapter hahaha! Really brightened my day and I adored the COE bashing hahaha!! You must write more of that in! xD Can't wait for more!

[crayon-harkness.livejournal.com]

Oh Ianto .... and I think that I was crying with laughter at the COE part! You are a genius! lol

[delennbr.livejournal.com]

Yay, update!!!!
Haha, Russelina was perfeect!!
And poor Ianto... I hope he'll fix everything soon...

[laura03232.livejournal.com]

Haha 'Frozenwood' actually had me laughing like a lunatic. Another fantastic installment a_silver_story :D

[shayna-maidel.livejournal.com]

LMAO.
I love the CoE bashing (oh all right, liked the Gwen bashing too, even though I shouldn't. She had such great potential and RTD just... bleh).
Took me a second to understand "Frozentree" though. XD

[amelie-mellow.livejournal.com]

ooookay i have been reading and not commenting because i am terrible. I did just discover you though and promptly became quite addicted to your IM series! It's fantastic! I loved all the RTD bashing in this so much. I decided to comment since I love your stuff so much and was really excited when I saw that this one was posted. So, thank you!

[alchemistpotion.livejournal.com]

UM...
Ianto, lovely?
You have a thing you call the 'snuggles duvet'.
You cuddle. Constantly.

CoE bashing! YAY!

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Yeahhh but he's a MAN

a big MANLY MAN


... he's not gonna admit to having a snuggles duvet to one of the ladykinds!

[fancieflights.livejournal.com]

COE bashing FTW! Love it!

Ianto needs to get on that making up ASAP. He can't leave poor Jack like that :(

[missdarksoul.livejournal.com]

*laughs for an hour* oh god! I love it! mediocre doesn't even describe RTD, am i the only one who plays spot the plot holes? oh or the pointless death count! and really the man is abusive to the fans, calling us children and treating us like idiots! superiority complex, you can see he has one in his writing alone and then his interviews! argh! he reminds me of one of my uni lectures view on Freud's personality, where he thinks he's right about everything (and no where near as good as he thinks he is, though unlike RTD freud did have some use though he's a perfect example of showing himself in his work the way rtd does in his writing), and if you disagree he mocks you or if your jung sabotages your career. RTD grrr, *coughs* I'm sorry a RTD rant has been building for a while. Oh! and didn't he rip off COE from a book, I remember people talking about it it i never wrote down the book name to avoid the ianto is dead tummy ache id get from reading it... sorry... no more ranting only praise for you :D brilliant imaginary show. nice amount of gwen bashing, not over the top though! woohoo! i missed the ims!! not that i'm not loving other stories. ok i'm going back to my corner now

[amcpep.livejournal.com]

Bad Ianto. Poor Jack. Loved the CoE bash. Go fix it Ianto, I know you can think of something non-spontaneously romantic that will do the trick. :)