The Wrong Smile by a_silver_story

[a_silver_story]

Title: The Wrong Smile
Author: a_silver_story
Chapter: One Shot
Rating: U | G | All Audiences
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Ianto Jones, Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor all belong to the BBC, who I have decided deserve the money I paid for my license fee this quarter. But only this quarter.

Summary: Ianto Jones is alive again. He's not sure how he is just yet, but he's hoping the Doctor might be able to get him some answers. Hacking into O2 phone records, he retrieves the last dialled numbers of Martha Jones - and finds the Doctor. The Doctor agrees to take him off-planet to a bar in Mos Eisley, Tatooine, to find his Captain Jack Harkness ....




"Hi, Jack."

"Ianto! Ianto? Ianto ..."

Ianto drew back his hand and slapped the Captain as hard as he could. "That was for the way you treated me in 'The Undertaker's Gift'!" he yelled.

Jack had the gall to look shocked, so Ianto slapped him again, harder.

"That was for 'Children of Earth'!"

The Captain staggered slightly, his glass falling to the floor and only just regaining equilibrium as Ianto's hand collided with his face again.

"THAT was for me! ... and this ... this ...!" Ianto growled. ".. is because I know it turns you on!"

Ianto slapped him a final time.





[INSERT PUBLIC MAN SHAGGINZ AND VOYEUR!TEN HERE]





THE [GOOD!STICKY] END






Yes ... another masterpiece brought to you by Silver!

... terribly sorry ... I just had a random idea and kholran made me roll with it.

Comments

[holladay-street.livejournal.com]

Many LOLs! That was excellent.

[kholran.livejournal.com]

You win the internets. All of them.

[bettathnbarbie.livejournal.com]

:-)
My God, what happened in that book anyway? Did Jack shag Gwen in the conference room while Ianto was making coffee or what?

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

SPOILERS FOR UNDERTAKER'S GIFT


Nahhh - he just had erotic dreams about Gwen naked in his bedroom, Gwen naked in his bed and turning into a demon, Gwen snogging other aliens while tossing her hair and glancing over at him as she shoved her tongue down said alien's throat - and then he looks left and sees Ianto's dead body and isn't overly concerned.

And every two minutes he thinks about something Gwen Cooper did, or something Gwen Cooper made him feel, or something his wished he'd done to make Gwen Cooper's life better.

(very rarely does anyone think of Gwen Cooper as just 'Gwen', and it gets annoying after a while)

[bettathnbarbie.livejournal.com]

Gag! Can you throw a few slaps in there from me too?

So I hate to say this but the copyright date is post CoE, even though the story is pre-CoE...are we being prepped for a Gwak-filled S4 (assuming RTD can find some network to take the show)?

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

The set of books UG is from were released just after CoE - so they had already been written, I would suppose. If you don't want to pop a vein, don't look at the original cover for the book (http://i40.tinypic.com/vbz0l.jpg) that was replaced shortly before release with this (http://i40.tinypic.com/20gfthk.jpg).

Everything Torchwood that has been released post-CoE is set before it.

[bettathnbarbie.livejournal.com]

Wah... I had to look, didn't I?

I just looked it up, the 'Ianto must die, too bad it couldn't be a clothes-eating virus' meeting was early April '08, so the author *might* have had that info... but I'd be surprised if there were S4 plans that early. So Jack tripping over his dick over Gwen (and emotionally disengaged from Ianto) isn't a purposeful glimpse of things to come. Should I find that mildly comforting? No, I didn't think so either...

[alchemistpotion.livejournal.com]

U R AWESOmE!!

LOL XD!!

(Just got back from fanfiction.net, and I think it killed my brain. This wonderful crack did nothing to help, though.)

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

I have some fluff in the pipeline and a chapter of AL nearly finished with smut and fluff in it - will that help?


What's going down on ff.net??

[hydrojen90.livejournal.com]

Too much Gwack >:(

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

Oh not just too much Gwack - too much badly written Gwack.

[hydrojen90.livejournal.com]

*Re-posts with appropriate icon*

Haha, yes! Someone spelt 'Rhys' as 'Reese' O.O Just like, basic mistakes like that make you face-palm.

[tayla36.livejournal.com]

That's why I use the filter and only look for Jack/Ianto stories. You can find a gem every once in a while, but a lot of the Janto stories are badly written also.

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

It's very difficult to find fanfictions that are well written and convincing and feature our favourite pairing. It's very difficult. I actually find it easier here on LJ than anywhere else - there is so much badly written stuff out there. Though, I am less forgiving of terrible Janto than terrible Gwack, as my general experience of fanfiction is that in order to get to the point where Gwen and Jack are actually together convincingly it has to go pretty OOC, so it's understandable. Jack/Ianto has so much potential for good fiction, and it should work, so I am more surprised by badly written fiction.

S'why I hang out over here *waves at Silver*

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

I once found a Gwack fic on FF.net that included the phrases:

"Her breasts bounced like water balloons, her nipples standing proud as circus tents."

"He pounded into her with his humongous timber"

and (my personal favourite)

"Oh! Jack! Jack! Jack! Put your steel rod back in me!"

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

*blinks*

*blinks again*

*iz dead from laughing*

[i-own-ianto.livejournal.com]

lolololololol!
Link?
Why would anyone think that was erotic or even vaugley resembling anything sexual?
there sex life obvious deid before they were born (or is pretty screwed).

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Dammit!

I didn't save the link! I remember it was alien-soemtihng induced sex. If you search on FF.net with the right keywords I think it might come up eventually.

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

LOL You go, Ianto!

As much as I love Jack, there have been a few times I wanted to slap him.

*snickers* Oh, I would love to see Jack and Ianto on Mos Eisley!

[ericadawn16.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who liked the Undertaker's Gift?

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

I found the Jack written in it a total arsehole, to be honest.

I thought it was wonderfully creepy, and the whole idea of what the Undertaker's Gift actually was was chilling, but the way Jack was written and how in this book he has a complete obsession with Gwen, while dismissing Ianto like you would a waiter at a table, just didn't sit right.

Yes, Jack has a thing for Gwen, but ... when he does weapons training, all he can smell is Gwen's perfume? Really? He didn't even seem that bothered when he discovered that Ianto was being eaten alive.

Gwen had some weird agenda to prove to Jack that she didn't need him and she could do anything and everything by herself with absolutely no assistance, and Ianto just sort of ... hung around.

The plot is the strength of the book, but it's brought down by bad characterisations. Ironically, Baxendale's other Torchwood novel is really rather good :S

[ericadawn16.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I guess the impression I got was that Jack knew exactly what was wrong with Ianto and blamed himself and that's why he was keeping Ianto at arm's length at first. " "Jack, I don't feel well."
A look of anguish came over Jack's face. " He seems to very pre-occupied in this story with Ianto being mortal...the undiscovered country paragraph made me cry all over again.

However, later, he started taking the bugs out first as I recall before Gwen took over...and I loved that Gwen did do that, removing every single bug from Ianto. Gwen and Ianto and their feelings with each other wasn't explored enough especially when we found out that Ianto had still kept Gwen at a distance...not telling her about his sister or anything. So, I liked all the Gwen/Ianto moments in this book, like his complaining about Jack to her or her covering him with her jacket and " They lay in silence then...holding on to each other like frightened children in a storm."

I was disappointed that Jack turned Ianto down after his nightmare but I liked how in Jack's nightmare, he specifies "his" bed which would be the bunker, but when he wakes up, it's "the" bed which means he's at Ianto's.
Of course, I acknowledge that points should be taken away for having naked Gwen in dream...except the Jack we met in DW would be imagining everyone naked with no remorse. Whereas this Jack knows it was wrong, that's why he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Ianto could get you looking clean and presentable in ten minutes flat. Do you really want me to turn him loose?"
Love this and Jack and Ianto interrogating together, plus, X-Files reference AND pun, yes!
"And men were useless at the routine, day-to-day domestic stuff. Unless they were Ianto."
hehe
"Making coffee is an art. Trust me on this."
"How hard can it be?"
""no, Jack, really, it would be like letting a chimpanzee loose with Van Gogh's paint box."
hehe

The only thing that really grated on me was use of "buddy". I liked Jack being all worried over him and everything, but "But I really need your help, Buddy" (shudders)

Also, after Ianto healed up...a whole new form of coat kink
" He was wearing a rather smart Burberry overcoat over a new suit, which hid the heavy bandages Jack knew were wrapped around his chest. A lot of the damage had been undone, but there were still sores. There would probably be scars.
But he did look good in that coat."

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

The thing that grated with me was how the Janto moments, perhaps not the interrogation banter, felt forced in. As if after the first draft, the writer was told "by the way ... you need to have Jack thinking about Ianto occasionally, y'know".

And all the extravagant similes the writer used just ... read like bad fanfiction.

And the 'buddy' nearly made me throw the book across the room.

It's like between Baxendale's previous novel and this one, he's totally forgotten what the characters are like, and just gone ahead with OMFG JACK AND GWEN ethic, squick be damned.

And Rhys wasn't even in this novel! He was nicely hidden away in Gloucester at a haulage convention wtf?

[elanor12.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahha! Brilliant!

[iceshade.livejournal.com]

The Undertaker's Gift ref, I know it turns you on, Tatooine.
My first born. You can has. (well once I has too, but still...)

[rift-bound.livejournal.com]

hehehehehehehehehe! Good one, Silver!

[squirrelytonks.livejournal.com]

heheheheheheeeee

the end of the summary made me giggle... a lot...

[applesaucetraum.livejournal.com]

Well the awesomeness of that was definitely worth being late! :D

[delennbr.livejournal.com]

Hahaha!!!! Perfect!!!!!!!!!

[amuly.livejournal.com]

BWHAHAHAHA. Voyeur!ten! Kekekeke.
I swear, you write 5 sentences and it's more brilliant than anything I do :P

[eleni81.livejournal.com]

I want a kinky sequel of this one *poke you*
It can't be ONLY me that wants it!!!

[freekydj.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

I must be warped, I loved all that slapping way too much.

Bet Ianto in that mood could have made good use of my ever handy cane...but slaps are a win for the drama & shock factor!

[i-own-ianto.livejournal.com]

Lololololololol. I will say no more except SO FRICKING TRUE!

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah... that's what it should be like! *giggles*

[jmchau.livejournal.com]

OMG OMG OMG I JUST FOUND THIS! EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! This is the BEST STORY EVAR!!! YOUR CHARACTERIZATIONS ARE SPOT ON AND ....

Ummm. sorry. had a brainstorm and was taken over by a raving fangirl of the worst type.

I did giggle though.

Thanks for that!