a_silver_story | Torchwood IMs: Ianto and Gwen's IMs

Title: Ianto and Gwen's IMs
Chapter: One Shot
Characters: Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato
Author:

a_silver_story
Genre: Humour
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied M/M
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: When, exactly, did Ianto start gossiping like a barmaid on speed?

GWEN: Hey Ianto. Hows u?

IANTO: Fine thanks. Yourself?

GWEN: Fine. You’re up late.

IANTO: So are you.

GWEN: lol

IANTO: Too much coffee?

GWEN: Nahhhh. You can never have too much coffee!

GWEN: Rhys is snoring like a broken Dyson.

IANTO: Poke him ‘til he rolls over on to his side.

GWEN: brb

IANTO: kk

GWEN: Back

IANTO: Well?

GWEN: I poked him too far. He fell out of bed.

IANTO: Haha!!

IANTO: Is he alright, or should I call an ambulance?

GWEN: He’s fine. The bedside table didn’t take it too well though. Looks like I’m off to IKEA on Saturday.

IANTO: No you’re not. It’s UNIT on Saturday. You then have Sunday booked off to visit Rhys’ parents, and Monday is back to work.

GWEN: Oh no! ¬_¬ Sometimes I wish you didn’t know everything.

IANTO: I believe the appropriate response is: ^_^

GWEN: When’s my next day off?

IANTO: 3 weeks.

GWEN: Meh.

IANTO: I have to go and get Jack’s dry cleaning tomorrow morning. I could pop by IKEA for you if you like?

GWEN: IKEA is a little bit out of the way from the dry cleaners, Ianto. You really don’t have to.

IANTO: Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I love getting lost in that endless world of furniture and efficient storage and organization solutions!

GWEN: *rolls eyes* You and your sarcasm.

IANTO: ... That wasn’t sarcasm. I really do love Swedish storage solutions.

GWEN: I bet you love going to the café and getting your tongue on some lovely Swedish meat balls ;)

IANTO: *sighs* ahh Gwen, please leave the terrible innuendos to Jack.

GWEN: In your end-o!

IANTO: … congratu-welldone. You did a play on words. *pats on head*

GWEN: On the subject of Jack …

IANTO: Uh-oh

GWEN: How’s it going with you two?

IANTO: How do you want it to be going?

GWEN: I want it to be going well!

IANTO: How well?

GWEN: As well as it could?

IANTO: And, in your opinion, how well could it possibly be going?

GWEN: Perfectly?

IANTO: Could you define perfectly?

GWEN: Are you going to answer every single one of my questions with another question?

IANTO: Depends. How many more questions are you going to ask?

GWEN: I’m an ex-policewoman. I can ask questions ‘til the cows come home!

IANTO: … and what if the cows are already home?

GWEN: Oh, come on Ianto! I only asked how it was going!

IANTO: After I tell you, you’ll start asking more questions. That I won’t answer.

GWEN: Fine.

IANTO: Good.

GWEN: Is he a good kisser?

IANTO: You tell me.

GWEN: I’ve never kissed him.

IANTO: Never?

GWEN: Nope.

IANTO: What’s wrong with you? :^P

GWEN: I’ve been wondering that too!

IANTO: Seriously, though. You’ve never even tried?

GWEN: Nope. Neither has he.

IANTO: Are you an alien that sucks life out immortals? Sorry, but you have a post code and you’re also breathing. I honestly can’t think why he wouldn’t try and kiss you.

GWEN: Maybe it’s because he has you.

IANTO: Leave the innuendo to Jack, and the sarcasm to me.

GWEN: lol.

GWEN: You know I was being serious.

IANTO: Did it stop him from kissing John? Or Martha?

GWEN: I suppose not. But when Martha kissed him, he did look really awkward. He looked straight at you, I thought.

IANTO: I decided to look away when I saw her go for it.

GWEN: Why?

IANTO: Because it would’ve hurt my poor wittul feewings.

GWEN: *hugs* Do you tell him it hurts your feelings?

IANTO: I used to. He listens, but when it comes to it he forgets himself.

GWEN: I wouldn’t put up with it.

IANTO: Oh you so would.

GWEN: If the sex was amazing enough.

IANTO: “lol”

GWEN: Is it?

IANTO: What’s “it”?

GWEN: Is the sex with Jack amazing enough?

IANTO: What kind of bedside table was it you wanted?

GWEN: Oh, Ianto! Loosen up!

IANTO: It’s not a question of being tight or loose, Gwen! I don’t know if you’re ever noticed, but I’m quite a private person. If I wanted to broadcast to the world about my sex life, I’d start a blog.

GWEN: I’d read it.

IANTO: So would Jack – if only for the vanity’s sake.

GWEN: Maybe you should start one.

IANTO: I have my diary. That’s as public as it’s going.

GWEN: Then I’ll have to steal your diary and learn all you secrets ;)

IANTO: No you bloody won’t! It wouldn’t matter if you managed to steal it anyway: after an incident with Jack six months ago, I’ve put a DNA recognition lock on it.

GWEN: … Jack read your diary?

IANTO: Yep.

GWEN: I bet you didn’t hear the end of that for months!

IANTO: He hasn’t mentioned it since.

GWEN: REALLY? I’d have never let you off hee hee!

GWEN: He seriously said nothing? Was it bad?

IANTO: Of course he didn’t say nothing. He said one thing. That was it; and no I won’t tell you what it was.

GWEN: Oh pleeeeeeease! *bats eyes*

IANTO: Oh fine. I think I’m overtired enough to lose some more of my dignity to you.

GWEN: Oh yay! BTW, the Hothouse Discovery was one of the funniest days of my life.

IANTO: … and that statement just lost you permission to know the one thing that Jack said to me about my diary after he read it.

GWEN: I’m sorry Ianto! It was funny though. And I promise I never, ever told anyone.

IANTO: Yeah right. You Facebooked it the second you got a moment alone with you PDA.

GWEN: Stop knowing everything. Just tell me the one thing Jack said pretty please

IANTO: Alright. As long as you stop starting sentences with “And”. The word “and” is a connective, and if it is to be used as the beginning of a sentence it must be prefixed with ellipsis.

GWEN: What’s “ellipsis”>

IANTO: The three little dots used to indicate a long pause, or the four dots used to complete an incomplete sentence.

GWEN: Ahhh right. Ok, I promise to stop starting sentences with “and”. What did Jack say?

IANTO: He said:

IANTO: “The measuring tape never lies”.

GWEN: *guh*

IANTO: Happy?

GWEN: What were you measuring?

IANTO: What kind of bedside table did you want, again?

GWEN: Hehe. Got you! Malm, please.

IANTO: What colour?

GWEN: The palest one.

IANTO: Okie dokie.

IANTO has left the conversation

IANTO has entered the conversation

TOSHIKO has entered the conversation

IANTO: Gwen?

GWEN: Yep?

IANTO: If you promise not to tell Owen, you can join mine and Tosh’s Weekly Coffee Gossip.

TOSHIKO: Wednesday afternoon. While Jack does his paperwork.

GWEN: :S so you’ll gossip in a coffee shop, but not online?

IANTO: Hell no!

TOSHIKO: Never know who might be monitoring.

IANTO: Yahuh!

GWEN: Who’d be monitoring MSN at four in the morning?

JACK: You’d be surprised.

GWEN has left the conversation

TOSHIKO has left the conversation

IANTO: … bollocks.

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