a_silver_story | Torchwood IMs: Jack and Ianto

Title: Jack and Ianto
Chapter: 80
Characters: Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Jack Harkness
Author:

a_silver_story
Genre Humour, smut
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: M.M implied
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: See title, really.

FIRST PART | Ianto and Gwen's IM's

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80 |

IM | 80

JACK has entered the conversation

JACK: Hey, Gwen. Could you nip out and get some AA batteries?

GWEN: What for?

JACK: The Wii remotes have run out.

GWEN: Get your own, you lazy git!

GWEN has left the conversation

~*~*~*~

MR JONES has entered the conversation

JACK: GO AND GET BATTERIES!

MR JONES: NO!

JACK: But you want to play too!

MR JONES: We’re supposed to be preparing humankind for the future, remember?

JACK: You’re no fun.

MR JONES: I’ll remember that next time you get the toys out.

JACK: Have I told you how much fun you are lately?

MR JONES: ~_¬

JACK: Is that your attempt at using punctuation to symbolize a raised eyebrow?

MR JONES: Yep.

JACK: 8=====D

MR JONES: *rolls eyes*

JACK: :-P

MR JONES: Anyways, remember PC Andy?

JACK: Tall, skinny, blond. Uniform?

MR JONES: *sigh* Yes.
MR JONES: He has his Torchwood interview next week.

JACK: ... what Torchwood interview?

MR JONES: The one you told him to phone and set up in an attempt to make me really annoyed, remember?

JACK: Oh. Yeah.
JACK: ¬_¬
JACK: I think maybe we should cancel that interview ...

MR JONES: You can’t say there’s no space for him on the team :-P

JACK: Can’t we just retcon him?

MR JONES: He doesn’t even know what we do. There’d be no point.
MR JONES: Besides, I pointed out before that his policing record is better than Gwen’s, right?

JACK: Are you actually suggesting we hire someone who refers to rift activity as a ‘spooky do’?

MR JONES: It could become part of our technical vocabulary.
MR JONES: “Gotta move, Jack. Spooky do in Grangetown!”

JACK: D:
JACK: Secret underground organizations do not use the phrase ‘spooky do’. End of.

MR JONES: They do, however, spend hours screaming: “The banana! Avoid the banana! Ohhh nooo I got shelled! STUPID DONKEY KONG!”

JACK: *hmph*
JACK: You bought the goddamn game.

MR JONES: I know. I’m also hiding it where you can’t play on it while I’m in the Archives and Gwen’s out doing Gwen Things.

JACK: What am I supposed to do instead?

MR JONES: Paperwork!
MR JONES: And prepare some interview questions for Andy. Just general stuff – what would you do if someone with a handful of knives attacked a colleague? What would your first instinct be if someone pulled a gun on you? Who is the priority in such and such a situation blah blah blah.
MR JONES: Stuff that sounds official, and should probably have been asked of every single employee (but you never had me there to tell you to), so maybe we’d have been more competent.

JACK: You never suggested interviewing Gwen

MR JONES: Ahhh yes. But that was three years ago, when I was a lowly emo teaboy receptionist and I kept most of my opinions to myself.

JACK: Eeeee the days when you were quiet ...
JACK: Y’know ... I think I can remember life before you started nagging ...
JACK: Alllll five minutes of it.

MR JONES: I don’t nag. ~_¬
MR JONES: I repeatedly suggest.

JACK: Whateverrrrr.
JACK: You’re turning Torchwood organized, Mr Jones.

MR JONES: Well, I always did think “organization” was a farfetched term to refer to us by. ;-)

JACK: :-P
JACK: Come down to my officeeeee.

MR JONES: I have work to do in the Archives, and you need to sort out Andy’s interview questions.
MR JONES: And remember to refer to him as ‘PC Davidson’, not ‘Mr Davidson’. Like it or no, he has a rank.

JACK: A very low one.

MR JONES: Higher than me though.
MR JONES: And if it wasn’t for the PCs Cardiff would be rather similar to the ninth circle of Hell.

JACK: They also tend to get in the way of our spooky do scenes of crime.

MR JONES: *sigh* look at the BIGGER picture.

JACK: I spot an innuendo :D

MR JONES: *rolls eyes*
MR JONES: I suppose the word ‘bigger’ can count as an innuendo if you squint so hard your eyes break.

JACK: Officeeeeee nowwwwww.

MR JONES: Noooo. Paperworkkkkkkkkkkk.

JACK: Just quick :(

MR JONES: Well, you are getting older ...

JACK: :O you cheeky lil bastard!

MR JONES: Muahahahahaha.
MR JONES: Do
MR JONES: Your
MR JONES: Work

JACK: Apologize.

MR JONES: Sorry I mentioned the fact you’re getting old(er) and your erection time isn’t quite what it used to be.

JACK: :o
JACK: Do I have to come and find you to prove otherwise?

MR JONES: You might.
MR JONES: But maybe later.

JACK: ... but maybe now.

MR JONES: Do your paperwork.

JACK: What if we have fun ... and then I do my paperwork?

MR JONES: How about you do half of your paperwork, and then we have fun, and then you do the other half?

JACK: :(
JACK: Have you seen my In Tray?

MR JONES: The sooner you get it started, the sooner you’ll get it done.

JACK: You sound like a mother.

MR JONES: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease do your work, Jack. :(

JACK: Half the work?

MR JONES: Fine.

JACK: Okay.

MR JONES: Good.
MR JONES: Now can I trust you to do that while I’m in the Archives? I’ll come up when you should be done. Okay?

JACK: Okay.

MR JONES: See you later x

JACK: See ya xx

MR JONES: Byee xxx

JACK: xxxx

MR JONES: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JACK: xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

MR JONES: Okays enough now. I’ll see you soon x

JACK: Hehe kk.
JACK: x
JACK: xx
JACK: xxxxx

MR JONES has left the conversation

FIN

My mam keeps switching the internet off in the hope I'll start packing. Stupid mothers - always doing what's best ... *grumbles*

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