Clear Text - Letters

[a_silver_story]

To Jack

I have decided we shall write to each other.

Love,

Ianto




~*~*~*~



Dear Ianto,

Okay I’m not sure what to write now. So much to say, but all I’m doing is drawing blanks. I’m missing you already, and everywhere seems so quiet without you here. I’m not saying you were noisy, I just mean you can always sense a presence when someone is with you, and when that’s gone it just seems ... quiet. Empty.

Things are okay with me – as okay as they can be, anyway. How’re things down your end? How are you settling in to the job I set up for you? Is your house okay? You don’t have to keep the job or the cottage. I just wanted to get you started on your feet. I know you have no idea how to run an aristocratic household, but Janet should be looking after you and making sure none of the other staff give you a hard time.

I’m having to wire this in pockets of stolen time. I’m incredibly busy at the moment. Apparently divorce is a very taxing business – especially when one half of the partnership doesn’t want to be separated. I’ll get rid of her though. Eventually. She is very stubborn.

I’ll let you know how it goes, and the little card in the envelope has an address on it that you should send you letters for me to. All my post is redirecte4d from there to wherever I’ll be. At the moment I’m in London, but in a couple of weeks we’re moving on to Monte Carlo. I think we’re catching up with the cruise liner in the Canary Islands after that. A bit of a kerfuffle (thank you for introducing me to that word) but apparently it’s necessary.

Send Lisa and Janet my best wishes,

Jack Harkness.



~*~*~*~



Dear Jack,

Lisa sends her love in a manner of speaking and obviously Barbara just rolls her eyes. I didn’t know you were divorcing Adeiola. I hope you give her nothing. Tell them she poisoned me that will make them hopefully not like her. Thank you for making Barbara stay with me because I have no idea what I’m doing here and she has saved me from several big blunders. She does pretty much everything and every now and then I find paper shoved under my nose to sign. I had to make up a signature on the spot for her and ended up doing a very badly done variation of yours but with my name obviously. I’ll show it to you when you come to visit. When are you planning on coming? I hope you will come in August like you said you would because I miss you too. Lisa misses you but she won’t say as she is too proud to admit it but I am sure she will come round. I’m having a bit of difficulty coping without you to fall back on all the time. Here I am expected to hold my own and stand on my own two feet but its not easy for me and I can’t rely on Barbara forever because she has her own job to do for you. I have to grow up fast and I’m confused most of the time. Things weren’t in my control before I met you but at least I knew which way they were going to go eventually! I never planned on having a life with this kind of honest job and a nice little cottage house and I am very very very grateful to you for that and it means a lot to me that you have given me these things. I still cry because you left me and I don’t properly understand why did go and there is a gap in my life without you but I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is. I think it might be the coat but I can’t be 100 percent certain. I’m going to go now because I can only type with one finger and the typewriter is old and I have to press the buttons really hard at least three times to make a letter and my finger is starting to hurt. I don’t like computers. I don’t understand how they work. Barbara has ordered me a new typewriter so soon I will write more letters to you and just so you know I want a postcard from Monte Carlo.

Tell Lois to have a good time on the cruise liner because I remember her telling me she was looking forward to it.

Write back soon,

Ianto.




~*~*~*~




Dear Ianto,

If you don’t like computers and the typewriter hurts, why not hand write a letter? I seem to remember your handwriting being atrocious, but I’m sure I’d be able to decipher it eventually.

Could you also – possibly – ask Janet to introduce you to commas? They are wonderful things.

I’m feeling very lonely at the moment. I’m waiting at the airport as I write this, and it seems everyone else has gone off to do something that doesn’t involve me. It is strange that when they all dispersed I looked to my right expecting to see you there to keep me company? O f course you weren’t, and I’m on my lonesome scribbling this little not to you. When I get time, I promise to write you a proper, long, heartfelt letter and I’ll try my best to explain everything as clearly as possible.

You know what I miss most? Shockingly, it’s not the sex (but of God – d o I miss that!). It’s your coffee. No one seems to make t like you do, and I’m fairly sure no one can make it quite so good. I’ve switched to drinking tea because I can’t stand the drivel I keep getting served (mainly by Lois, but I shan’t hurt her feelings). I smelt some good coffee the other day and it turned me on. It’s your fault. You and your damn fine coffee. The situation must be desperate if I’m finding hot beverages erotic.

I’ve started spreading rumours about Harold Saxon dabbling with ladies who aren’t Mrs. Saxon. Hopefully they’ll stick and some press hound will get hold of the story and blow it out of proportion. Petty, but it makes me feel better. For now, anyway. I’ll have my revenge on him eventually.

The woman behind the kiosk just called the first block of seats, and the cut off point is the row in front of me and she won’t let me on. One row! One! She won’t let me on. I don’t understand. There’s no one else waiting.

I won’t be fingering her in the toilets.

I hope you realise I’m joking. I think it might be sexual frustration.

Ooo the betch just called my seat. I’m going to take my time sealing this up, putting a stamp on and posting it before I get on board – just to make her wait. Ha.

Keep yourself well, and I promise to write from Monte Carlo.

Jack Harkness.




~*~*~*~



Dear Jack,

I didn’t want to hand write because I can’t write very well. I sound like a child when I say I am practicing and that is what I am doing. I haven’t written anything other than scribbled notes since I was about ten because when I moved from Newport I didn’t go to school and more and forgot a lot of things you learn about writing because I never needed to fuse it much. You can probably tell I have my new typewriter now that Barbara ordered and its much easier to use than the old one. Its semi-electronic so I don’t need to hit the buttons very hard at all and my fingers are very grateful. I hate reading back things I have written though because I’m not very good at writing things down. I prefer speaking so maybe you could phone a few times. I don’t know your phone number any more. I did try the one I remember but that one is dead now so I think that’s because you’re in another country or you threw it at something and broke it again. I just remembered that you called my handwriting atrocious but you can’t exactly talk Captain! Some of your letters are hard to read but I’ll stop joking because I do actually really like your handwriting. Its old fashioned just like you. But in a good way. I’m not calling you old. I don’t think I am anyway. I didn’t realise you had an erotic fixation with coffee. If you had told me I’d have made more of it though now I think back you did have me make quite a lot. I thought you were tired a lot but we did get up to a lot of stamina draining activities and decided it might have been that. With my next letter I will send you some crushed beans so that I can smile to myself and know my letter gave you an erection because of how it smelt. I think that plan may backfire in a sense because you will then probably try and have sex with the next living thing you see. Even a tree. In fact if you found a hole in a tree and got yourself some lotion for the motion I wouldn’t be surprised if you made it on the news at ten as the Phantom Tree Shagger. Maybe I should get you a tshirt with that written on in celebration of your sexual liberalness. I promise you I will not be jealous of the tree.

You haven’t mentioned if you are coming to visit in August and I know its five months away but please let me know soon because I want something other than weekends to look forward to. Also is it okay if I give Owen a job? He’ll be really good and won’t nick anything. Well not anything you would miss. Not anything you would miss ... much. There’s a carpet in the hall that I think needs to be stolen. Its hideous. Let me know if its insured wink wink.

I’m missing you every day and I still sometimes turn around and hope to see you there too.

Love and kisses (but no tongue)

Ianto




~*~*~*~



[POSTCARD FROM MONTE CARLO]

Ianto!
Am in Monte Carlo.
Weather is Okay. It is
2 am. It hasn’t rained
and I wish you were
here. That’s all.
Love

Jack x




~*~*~*~




To Jack,

I got your postcard and it was nice to hear from you again. I’ve put it on the notice board in my little kitchen. you didn’t really write much, and replying to it is just me writing to you for the sake of writing to you.

Could you let us know about August please? My birthday is the 19th in case you don’t know yet.

Keep out of trouble Jack.

love and kisses and maybe a bit of tongue)

Ianto.




~*~*~*~



[POSTCARD FROM THE LINER]


To Ianto

I am on a
boat! Promise to
write to you
properly soon

Jack x



~*~*~*~



Dear Ianto,

Finally some time to myself to sit down and write properly. I’m very conscious of the fact I may, at any moment, start babbling and gushing at you, and I have in no way planned what I am going to write so if this letter makes very little sense, please bear with me.

Kicking back and relaxing on the boat at the moment. The seas are a little rough so my office chair keeps wheeling from side to side as I try and write, making it very difficult to concentrate and be legible. They’ve closed the pool deck because the water keep sloshing around so much and making waves they’re frightened swimmers will get knocked around like Smarties in a blender. This bears little significance on the day to day running of things for me personally, other than the fact it was nice to look out of the window and see the rather attractive bikini-clad women lounging by the pool. Just because the pool isn’t safe to swim in doesn’t mean they had to close the entire deck. I think they need to check the order of their priorities.

Anyway, about August. I will be able to come and see you on the 18th, 19th, or 20th. Or all three of those days, it’s up to you. I’m glad to hear you’re still living in the little cottage on the grounds – I moved from West Chester to Hillcrest with my parents and they sent me to live there when I pissed them of when I was about sixteen. For the record, that wasn’t only time I pissed them off. I succeeded in pissing them off many times. Rest assured this was not an isolated incident, in case you start getting any thoughts of me ever having actually behaved.

You said you didn’t fully understand why I left you. a full explanation will be difficult – you won’t believe half of it, and you’ll tell me I’m insane and stupid. Just have faith in me, and in us, and we shall come through all of this better people. It’ll all make sense in time, but I need to make sure you know this is not your fault. Nothing you did drove me to leave you. Oh God – that sounds like an ‘it’s not you: it’s me’ line. What I’m meaning is that everything has a consequence, and the consequences of me being a git have resulted in my need to be punished. To learn about myself and grown, and give you a chance to do the same. If we ever come together again, it will be a free choice because you want it to happen, not driven by my selfishness, greed and lust.

This morning I was thinking about something you said. It was just after we came together, and I was in a temper. I mean, a proper flying rage. And I hit you: I hit you really hard. I didn’t mean to, and you ever let me see but I know you nearly cried. But you forgave me, and you tried to understand. You said “Sometimes you do things because you’re feeling too much.”. You pulled me onto the bed and let me cry without making me feel weak, and i let myself go without feeling vulnerable. I was thinking today how much I miss that. How much I miss just being with you. You also said that day that not looking at clocks would make time go fast. I think there may be a flaw in that logic, I’m afraid. I’ve found that time needs structure or else you don’t know it’s passing, and of if you can’t see time passing that means it’s standing still. I’ve barely kept track of the date since I last saw you, and was devastated to find only two months have gone past. It seems so much longer. Rest assured I will most definitely not be counting down the days until August or crossing them off a calendar.

It’s still quite without you. Not that you were noisy or anything. When you were here I could feel your presence. I could lie in bed and listen to you bustling around making coffee or cleaning or just your footsteps wandering around the place. Here, on the boat, I can hear the engines and the waves, but it’s still so deathly quiet in your absence.

Enough about me and my self pity. How are you? And how are things going with Lisa? You don’t need to be afraid to tell me about being with her. I understand. I’m a little (lot) jealous, but I understand. She’ll be good for you. Am I being big-headed in saying ‘don’t mope after and enjoy being with Lisa instead’? Never mind. Just take care of her for me.

On the subject of one of your previous letters: what job were you planning on giving Owen? I’m guessing you’d have to give him housing, too. Why Owen and not Toshiko? I like Toshiko. She seemed really lovely when I met her, and she cares about you a lot. We all do. Except maybe Janet. She keeps sending me letters telling me how useless you are, and I keep telling her that if you’re useless it’s her fault for being a bad teacher. I personally found you very useful and good at your job with me, but you did have a rather fantastic tutor for that particular line of work.

I love you, you know. I really do. And leaving you was so hard. I knew within hours of meeting you that our separation would have been painful, and I tried to stop it from happening. I really did. I keep coming so close to just going back to Wales, throwing you over my shoulder and making you stay with me, but I have to put you first. you need to have a chance to make your own life and your own choices. You could choose to stay at Hillcrest or you could leave. If you do want to leave I can get you a job set up anywhere. And a house. I suppose putting you on the old estate was just me keeping an eye on you, but when you’re ready you can leave. If you want. I’m not saying you have to, but if you want to that’s fine. As long as I know where you are. And you write. And don’t talk to strangers.

Well, it’s getting quite late her and as much as I would love to talk about you and me all night, I think I should maybe cut this off here. If I put everything in one letter, I’ll have nothing to write next time!

I’m missing you, every day.

I’ll see you in August.


Jack Harkness.


P.S.: Thank you for the little bit of tongue. It upset me when you declared “no tongue” first time.



~*~*~*~




Dear Jack,

Sorry it’s taken so long to reply but Barbara got sick and I had to actually do my own work and its not easy! Every time I sat down to write I either fell asleep and forgot wheat I was supposed to be doing. This letter may wind up being the culmination of many nights work. Lisa is going to help me with my writing so that what I do write is easier to read and I need to learn how to write properly because I have to send a lot of letters. Barbara does a lot of computer emails and typing for me but I want to do it myself eventually.

I want to say thank you again for everything you have done for me and not just the recent things because you’ve done a lot for me. Like when you took me away from Sarah Janes house and you let me talk to you and you looked after me really really well when I got sick. Even though I told you not to. Things changed so fast that I’m still confused by them and I don’t think just telling me to have faith is enough for me. I’m hurting a lot and you need to meet me half way at least. You say we will come through this and come together again but how can I know that you won’t forget about me the second something younger and prettier comes along? I am happy here with Lisa and what if I don’t want this to end/ Lisa is staying me in the cottage until she finds somewhere to live because she’s moving back from Kenya but you probably knew that. Should I feel guilty at wanting to be with her because honestly I do but I want to be with you to. Being with her is completely different to how it was with you but not different in a bad way. Just a big changed. I feel so guilty liking her so much when I have you but I can’t help it and I’m sorry. I don’t know if I love her. I know very definitely that I loved you. I was thinking that maybe the poison changed some chemicals in my brain and changed me and that is why I love you differently now. I think before I was IN love with you and now I am lovING you and I think there’s a difference. I’ll never stop loving you Jack. You mean so much to me and to Lisa though she won’t admit it.

I want to give Owen a job in the stables mainly mucking out horses. I think I shall do my evil laugh again! I want to give Owen a job instead of Toshiko because Toshiko is pregnant! Obviously there is no guarantee that its Owens but he has decided he is Daddy. I will laugh it if it comes out black. maybe not my evil laugh but a dark humoured one all the same. Of course if it comes out with Owen’s ferrety face I will laugh also because he cannot run away then.

I’ve managed to contact Martha and she will be coming with Mickey to visit on the week of my birthday too. So will Donna and Gwen and Rhys and hopefully Owen and Toshiko will already be here if you let me give Owen the job. I’m not guilt tripping you honest.

It’s is a pity they shut down the pool deck and you couldn’t look at your girls in bikinis. I’m sure you found equal eye candy in your mirror though and had lots of fun without me with you toys. Where might I get some of those without anyone knowing? Not that sex with Lisa isn’t nice I just really really miss my prostate. And you. And I really miss your coat.

I RECEIVED a memo today saying one of your aunts will be in the area and would like to stay at the manor. I think it said Estelle. I told her no one else is staying here and she will be welcome by the staff. Was it okay to do that? She was running a tight schedule and she is arriving tomorrow so I couldn’t say no and I think the other staff are just grateful for something to do other than clean. There’s a buzz about the place now that we know someone is coming to live here as we make it ready for them.

You’re right about time going so slowly now. It does seem to be crawling by and mocking us. I was in a clock repair shop with the old clock from the mantel piece in the dining room because it broke, and I was surrounded by clocks all constantly ticking on and on and on. I t would drive me made to be surrounded by clocks I think. Especially with time going so slowly as it is now.

Lisa is teaching me how to drive. When I can drive, I’m taking that big SUV in the garage out and I don’t care if no one’s allowed to touch it except you. I’m driving it. I promise not to lose it but it does have a tracker in it so I’d be able to find it again if I did.

I want to tell you a secret.

I want to find my parents or at least try to. I have a two week holiday just before my birthday and I want to go back to Newport and find the records and find out if they know who my parents are or if I have family. I don’t know how I got to the orphanage so maybe someone there will help me. Unless they haven’t forgiven me for running away. I wonder how much the place has changed since I left. Hopefully they got a new bathroom t least. I might not even be there any more in which case I’ll have to try Social services.

You probably won’t get this letter until after the cruise but I wish I was there with you. I’ve never been on a boat before let alone a cruise ship! I was secretly as excited as Lois. How is Lois? I have only heard from her though Barbara and Barbara is not exactly forthcoming on much detail. I have it on good authority that Lois is fine, but it would be nice to have a little more detail because she was my friend or I would like to think so.

I hope the next three months go by faster than the previous four and I will see you soon.

I miss you every day too.

Mr Jones

(Ianto)








~*~*~*~




Dear Ianto,

I found this necklace and thought of you. In case you don’t recognise the shape, it’s a caffeine molecule! A molecule is part of a particle – it consists of two or more atoms, chemically bound to hold them together in a set pattern. These stick together and create pretty much everything. The entire universe is made up of particles and molecules and atoms – you may have to ask Lisa or Janet about it if you want to know more. I’m not very good at physics, and half of what I told you is probably wrong.

Estelle isn’t really my aunt. I just call her that because she was a very close friend of my father’s, but she is more than welcome to stay. I should think the two of you will get along very well, and I think you’ll have a lot in common.

Now, where was I? Ahhhh yes:

I met a lovely young man today (strictly professional) who mentioned about an adult tutoring programme that a lot of universities and colleges run. You can do English, Maths and Science from whatever level you feel comfortable working at with people who have similar skills or needs. Maybe you could think about it? If you don’t want to learn in a group then I can get you a personal tutor if you want. They’d be better qualified to teach than Lisa or Janet and they’d be able to devote more time to you and you’ll get official qualifications. Just let me know.



Jack Harkness





~*~*~*~



To Jack,

Yes you should definitely come in June. You must tell me the exact date and I shall find out if Lisa will be here or not.

I have thought about it and I don’t know if I will have time for a proper course so I think maybe a tutor that can flecksible hours because I really want to learn more and much faster than I am currently doing. I get given pointers by Lisa and Barbara but a lot of the time I am just doing what they tell me and it doesn’t sink in and I don’t remember.

Thank you so much for my present! It made me smile all day and all night. I asked Lisa about molecules and she explained them to me and she has also bought me a book about science. I think it might be for children but it explains things and has diagrams that I understand. I can’t possibly remember all of it! Everybody seems to know so much and sometimes I feel very stupid. I hold my head up high though and remind myself that I am going to learn and that one day I will know just as much as everyone else. In fact I want to know more. I want to know everything!

Barbara has told me how to format my letters on my typewriter and to make them easier to read and also how to change paragraphs instead of writing one big column on everything. I hoped you would notice I used paragraphs in my last letter but you didn’t and I went to all that effort for nothing! Hee I’m joking with you.

The places you are visiting sound so wonderful I wish I were there to. It sounds very romantic at Cleopatra’s Pool and I didn’t know there were such things as HOT springs! How is it made hot? Is it the sun? Or is it mechanical, like a heater and its not really a spring its been made?

I’m guessing you sent the ... other much more adult package too. Thank you very very much I have had lots of fun with it and I’ve missed having that kind of sex even if I cannot share it with anyone. I pretend that its you inside me. Is that wrong? I’m supposed to be with Lisa but I can’t exactly imagine her doing that to me because she doesn’t have the equipment! She doesn’t know I have it yet and I don’t know if I’m going to tell her. It can be our secret for now I think. You know that when I pretend it is you in me I don’t have to touch myself to come? That’s how much I miss you. Does that mean that now I only love you physically? Or is that lust? All I know is that everytime I think about being with you and having sex with you I want you so much and I have to sneak away to calm down. I think you made me into some kind of monster because my drive is at a pa with yours! Or what yours used to be.

Are you okay? You mentioned you were losing your drive. Maybe you are very very very ill.

Owen and Toshiko will be coming on Monday and Toshiko is having her baby in October! I hope she has a Halloweenie baby. If she does and she has a girl she could call it Janet! I think that would make Barbara happy.

Which reminds me: I told Barbara to smile the other day and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She is one face lift away from being a super villain.
The flowers on this page are what me and Estelle pressed when she was here. You were right we got on very well and I was sad to see her move onwards. She is also promised to come back for my birthday if she can do maybe. The red flower is from Estelle and the blue flower is from me because my favourite colour for flowers is blue because we had lots of blue flowers at the Cardiff hotel. I was going to send you a pansy but thought that might be too ironic. Hee. I sowed the flowers on myself and I hurt my finger and bled a bit which is the rather icky red splodge on the page. It went right inside my finger so you better appreciate the flowers or I will not send you any more things! At least appreciate the flowers more than the paragraphs at any rate.

Thank you for saying I can redocrate the cottage! It is lovely and rustic but some things do need fixing and already Lisa has helped pick out new fittings for the bathroom. I wanted to keep the blue but she said that no one has blue any more and that it is old fashioned and looked awful so we’re having sandstone and white porcelain as is ladys’ choice.

I’m still loving being here and I really really can’t wait until June which is only next month! You need to get me the exact date please. Also for August I want you to come on all three days no pun intended thank you. I want a lot of cake but I don’t mind you don’t get me a present I don’t have anything I want for my birthday any way other than what you have already sent me.

Just so you know I have helped you a little and told people not to vote for Harold Saxon at the next election or his party because he’s basically a wanker who doesn’t care about the countries he is in charge of or the people who live in them he only wants power and he will play very dirty to get it so they shouldn’t vote for him. I hope they tell others and hope they will tell more and that there might be a slight decrease in the Welsh vote at least. Ever so slight.

Missing you much as always and looking forward to June.


Ianto




~*~*~*~




[POSTCARD FROM TURKEY]


Ianto!
Turkey is lovely. I
will definitely bring
you here one day.
I've got you a gift
and shall give it you
on 5th of June!

Jack Harkness
xxxxxxxxxxxxx