JB/EM realperson! fic - just for the LULZ

[a_silver_story]

Okay people ... get this:

There are people out there who read and write John Barrowman/ Eve Myles realperson!fics.


Rolling on the floor laughing yet? No?

Well, you will be ...



In celebration of this massively likely pairing, I have written my own JB/EM rpf.

Nothing needs warning other than the one use of the word "cock". If you include that use of the word "cock", that's two warnings. If you include the previous one, it's three.




"John Barrowman and Eve Myles - Love at first Zero-Chemistry-Filled Screen Test"



JOHN: Hello .... I'm Captain John Barrowman

EVE: Hello. My. You are handsome.

JOHN: I'm gay. I'm very very gay. I have a Civil Partnership and have never been sexuallly attracted to a woman ... wanna make babies?

EVE: If that's what RTD wants ...


[SIDE OF THE ROOM. KAI AND GARETH ARE LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, LOOKING ON AS JOHN AND EVE GET DOWN'N'DIRTY]

GARETH: [watches with frown] ... aren't they like ... in no way, shape or form compatible?

KAI: They'll work well together as friends, but romance ... I'd never have seen that coming - what with John being in no way sexually attracted to women.

GARETH: Yeah. [shrugs] Wanna go get a beer?

KAI: Yeah ... why not?


[THEY TURN TO LEAVE. SOMETHING CATCHES GARETH'S EYE AND HE HESITATES]


GARETH: Hang on ... did you just see that?

KAI: What?!?!

GARETH: EVE HAS A MASSIVE COCK!

KAI: Ohhhhh! Well that explains a LOT!!!!







... and so concludes my adventures into the world of JB/EM shipping, as well as realperson!fic in general.



N/B: I just want to say I have absolutely no evidence to support the suggestion that Eve Myles has a cock, let alone a massive one. I have nothing against the actress herself (though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans) other than the character she has to play makes me want to poke needles in cute puppy's eyes.

Comments

[naddypants.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
*breathes*
BAHAHAHAHHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Oh dear.
Brilliant.

Gareth, subtle as ever.
:')

[iantogodeo.livejournal.com]

Ok, I've been lurking for ages, but I just had to comment cos that was freaking hilarious!! Seriously? Eve and John? What has the world come to? *rolls eyes*

[samclair.livejournal.com]

ZOMFG AHAHAHAHAHA XD
*is laughing so hard right now*
You just made a really bad day a whole lot better xD

Oh, c'mon. They can't be serious; jb and eve myles? Get a grip xD

Sadly, this (minus the eve having a VERY BIG PENIS thing xD) is what jb/em shippers probably hope happened at their screen test :p x

[green-lemon-pie.livejournal.com]

*confused face* People actually write John/Eve? Oh dear, the world really has gone mad. :P
Thats like saying...Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole. *disgusted shudders*

But! Ohmy! You are actually too brilliant for words. :P

[shannon730.livejournal.com]

That was too funny. ;)

[me-eat-drums.livejournal.com]

LMAO! That was hilarious! Your brilliance dazzles us mere mortals!

I can't believe that people actually write John/Eve...that's just creepy! *shudders* What are they taking???? Lol *rolls eyes*

Thanks for the laugh!

[liannac.livejournal.com]

After the day I've had I needed a good laugh, thank you so much for providing it that was so funny, can't beleive there are people who write JB/EM rpf. :)

[likemycoffee.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
John Barrowman and Eve Myles???????? Are they insane???????
Personally, RPF makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but that pairing is just plain wrong on so so many levels. Ugh. I don't even know where to begin. Lol.

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

RPF makes me a bit squicky too - I don't read it, and I don't see the attraction of it. It's like ... real people and real lives ... you get what I'm saying? :S

Obviously, though, when used as a vehicle for sarcasm, RP drabbles are acceptable :P

[likemycoffee.livejournal.com]

I agree - totally justifiable when sarcastic :)

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

OMG! *falls over laughing* You may want to put a no drinking/eatting warning on this. lol I almost spewed spaghetti on my monitor!!

This may explain a lot. lol

though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans

Did she really say that? If she did... she just got herself a seat next to RTD in my books. :P But of course she'll be fine with how the series went, her character rode off into the sunset happy. :P

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Yes she did say that *scowls*

It was one of the first interviews she did after the CoE fiasco.



And all my fic has a no eating/drinking warning - see my profile! LOL

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

"We can't mollycoddle the fans" (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/cardiff-news/2009/07/15/it-s-great-for-gwen-she-saves-the-planet-and-becomes-a-mum-91466-24155681/)



^^She says it there

[griza.livejournal.com]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[mercury-pheonix.livejournal.com]

Late reply, I know, but apparently Series 3 was "great" for Gwen, and Eve now imagines her fighting aliens with one hand whilst holding steel-made-teflon-baby in the other. Well, that's just great - too bad it wasn't such a good thing for Torchwood as a whole, but Torchwood falls secondary to Teh Awesum Gwen.

[elanor12.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahahahahaha!

After a day of packing for moving, I neened a laugh! Though, JB/EM *shudders*, no, just...no. That's so wrong.

[tati71.livejournal.com]

...John/Eve? O_O
...really? O__O
...
people *are* scary °°
The fic is brilliant XDDD

[zsazsa4168.livejournal.com]

Very funny! I laughed so hard the hubby had to ask what happened.

I didn't see the quote, but I tell you what. If I made a comfortable living pretending to overreact to everything I saw, thanks to the devotion of millions of people to my work, I would make it my business to mollycoddle the everloving shit out of them!

[shayna-maidel.livejournal.com]

Haha!
O.O
And I thought RPF was squicky in the first place.
That's a bit scary.
Each to their own, I suppose.

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

RPF makes me a bit squicky too - I don't read it, and I don't see the attraction of it. It's like ... real people and real lives ... you get what I'm saying? :S

Obviously, though, when used as a vehicle for sarcasm, RP drabbles are acceptable :P

[tucker-liz.livejournal.com]

though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans

WTF!? Where did you see that? I was just about to forgive her for being RTD's Mary-Sue, but now I'm all pissed again.

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

"We can't mollycoddle the fans" (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/cardiff-news/2009/07/15/it-s-great-for-gwen-she-saves-the-planet-and-becomes-a-mum-91466-24155681/)



^^She says it there

[tucker-liz.livejournal.com]

Bloody cow! She's just lucky that RTD has some peculiar fascination for her or she'd be the one dead. Maybe next season?

[ella-caramella.livejournal.com]

Nope, Gwen will outlive Jack.

Have you seen the Torchwood ad currently airing on BBC America, where the only character there is Gwen, no mention of anyone else, in which is clearly stated that "Eve Myles is Torchwood"?

And this is frigging hilarious :D She MUST have a massive cock (maybe that's the reason for Rusty's fascination with her? LOL!)

[tucker-liz.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've seen it. I kept wondering when Jack's would air. Hey, maybe with Jack off with the Doctor, it will be a couple of episodes before he returns to the series? Don't much want to see it without Captain Jack. It'll be hard enough without Ianto.

[ella-caramella.livejournal.com]

I kept wondering when Jack's would air.

It won't. It's not Jack's show. It's Gwen's.

I won't be watching anyway. I have no interest in watching Jack being relegated to the role of Gwen's sidekick while making a total dick of himself by lusting after the new boy toy/girl.

[manu4380.livejournal.com]

I won't be watching anyway. I have no interest in watching Jack being relegated to the role of Gwen's sidekick while making a total dick of himself by lusting after the new boy toy/girl.

I couldn't agree more with this, really.

[diggybear.livejournal.com]

I kept wondering when Jack's would air.

Captain Jack, a part of Torchwood? haha You'd never know from the promos on BBCA. It's awful!

[godoffire04.livejournal.com]

There's promotional ads for Torchwood out???? Where I want to see them, even if they only include Gwen!!!!!

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

They were for Series 3, so they'll probably be on Youtube.

[godoffire04.livejournal.com]

Oh I thought they were for Season 4.... I completely didn't look at the date on this whoops!!

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Season four hasn't even been confirmed yet ;)

[godoffire04.livejournal.com]

I know, but I can think wishfully that someone heard something I hadn't yet!!!

[huskyfriends.livejournal.com]

OH. MY. GOD! That was hilarious!

I was dying, simply dying, in the middle of the Starbucks with both hands over my mouth trying not to die, or embarrass myself even more than the snorting was doing.

Brilliant!

[griza.livejournal.com]

*still giggling*

[diggybear.livejournal.com]

OMGZ! I *so* needed a laugh and this more than fits the bill! This is absolutely brilliant!!!!!

[silverearthelf.livejournal.com]

**Absolutely DIES!!!** this was PERFECT!!! Yeah I'd heard there were Eve/John RPS and laughed then, but you know... Eve having a massive cock would COMPLETELY make sense... it would make sense why RTD has such a hard on for her.

[godoffire04.livejournal.com]

haha I'm (don't know the word for a snort laugh, though it's not a pig snort...) <- whatever that is!

.... wow just jaw dropping yet laughing my ass off!