WHAT. THE. FUCK?

[a_silver_story]

Okay ... so I dunno ... but quite a few people seem to be wondering 'Why does Jack come back to Earth?'. Is it to make right all that he did wrong? Is it to finally face his past? Is it because he remembers he has a fucking duty down here?

No.

Oh no.

According to Starz Press Room, it runs so much more deeper than that. Yes - he returns to Earth for a reason so much more profound than anything we ever truly considered - nay, even pondered on.

Captain Jack Harkness returns to planet Earth, facing the depression and ghosts that haunt his every waking step and the 'graveyard' of his own making ... because of his 'unstated love for Gwen Cooper'.

Don't believe me?

Here you go:
http://www.starz.com/pressroom/TCASummer2010


It's in the character assassination bio for Jack, right under 'He's a slut, he's a slut, he's a slut', and just above 'Gwen is the ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!!!!!!!!!'.

Don't bother looking for a reference to Tosh, Owen or Ianto. 'His friends are dead' are all you're getting as far as continuation is concerned.


On the bright side, Gwen named her baby 'Anwen'. Awwww!


And Rex Matheson sounds like a total arse - and he's not even the paedophile.

Comments

[rawr-justme-x.livejournal.com]

*has no words for how FUCKED UP this is*

[(Anonymous)]

This whole business is making me sick. It is like they are trying to find the most outrageous ways destroy my favorite fandom.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

This has GOT to be trolling. It just HAS to be. There has to be someone at Starz who is just laughing their ass off at us right now. Right? Or some prick who hacked in and posted/altered the PDFs. Right? I mean...come ON. It's like the show is specifically DESIGNED to piss of Janto fans.

[kitkat0038.livejournal.com]

Oh for goodness sake, how much more unavailable can Gwen be? Married, has a child, and yet they still are ramming Jack and Gwen together. Argh!

[woani21.livejournal.com]

I'm just sick to death of this shit. Is this how they sold the program to Starz? Has Kai Owen already been informed of Rhys' pending demise? Will Gwen now be the super mom/adulterer with a gun in each hand and a baby strapped to her back?

[myorangecrush.livejournal.com]

I dont' think I want to watch it.

[myorangecrush.livejournal.com]

baby strapped to her chest - right in the line of fire!

[rift-bound.livejournal.com]

What says the most to me: Jack lost his friends, Gwen lost her colleagues. Yep. That just says it all, doesn't it? That's the "heart and soul" of Torchwood alright.

[magicmalcolm.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to read that, because I know it'll just depress me...but I'm bored of series 4 (subtitled: "All Gwen Cooper, All The Time") already. At this rate, I'd rather watch lesbian porn.

Gwen has a girl? Boo, I was planning a future fic where she had a son...eh, whatev, actual Torchwood canon is worthless these days anyway.

Excuse me, I think I need to go stab an RTD Voodoo Doll until I get cramp.

[deathbymutation.livejournal.com]

I'm ready to give up on Torchwood. I'd watch use the clips for Janto videos and that's it.

If they don't AT LEAST MENTION Tosh/Owen/Ianto I'm going mail RTD a parcel of dog poo. If Animal Activists can, so can I goddammit.

[mrsmarit.livejournal.com]

Why am I not surprised. I am so bloody disgusted and tired of having Gwen and Jack shoved down our throat.

Glad I don't have Starz and this is another reason not to get it.

[kiraclara.livejournal.com]

Pigs fly. Check. Hell has frozen over. Check.
I don´t know wether to cry because that´s sound horrible or laugh because I praying this is a big joke.

baby strapped to her chest is a...

[bettathnbarbie.livejournal.com]

Human shield. Can't let Gwen die!

(It does say she'll have to "make the most terrible decisions" this time. I can see it: "It's so hot out here in the Shanghai slums. How can I possibly be expected to use the Snugli baby carrier made of the sweaty bulletproof material?")

Re: baby strapped to her chest is a...

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Or ...

Should Rhys die or Anwen ...

Rhys ... or Anwen ... Rhys ... or Anwen ...


Well, if Rhys karks it I can be with JACK!

[applesaucetraum.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm in shock... I think I need a blanket...
*Rocks self back and forth*

[moonfirefic.livejournal.com]

Unstated love for Gwen? Really? Interesting considering RTD was all over his interviews lately expounding on how much he loves the Rhys and Gwen dynamic.

I know it's all PR, but he is really selling it both ways to try and get viewers in any way he can isn't he.

[angelkitty101.livejournal.com]

I have complained to Starz about the lazy biphobia, and I have put a rant about this on my lj, you should be on the filter.

Suffice to say - Torchwood - My Arse!

Re: baby strapped to her chest is a...

[bettathnbarbie.livejournal.com]

There's no way I should have found that funny.
And yet I laughed because, OMG, it'll happen just like that.

[applesaucetraum.livejournal.com]

Wait, Welsh Women and World War 2 Captains, plural?

Re: baby strapped to her chest is a...

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

I hope that when Anwen grows up, Jack runs off with her.

Is that bad of me?

[royalladyemma.livejournal.com]

Well, with an attitude like that, I think I've just shut and locked the doors against TW4 permanently. If they're going to continue with this unrequited love thing for Jack & Gwen, they 're saying that Ianto really was a part-time dabble and it all meant nothing, and that the only good relationships are the straight ones -- if you're gay, you're dead, and now they want to make Jack miserable and punish him for his affair with Ianto by shoving the perfect family scenrio in his face -- 'you can never have this cause you're a sick freak, Jack -- you're wrong in so many ways -- all you can ever do is stand on the outside looking in'

RTJackassD really takes the cake, I'm telling you!!!!!!

[electrictoes.livejournal.com]

I've been open minded the whole time about it, and these character profiles sound a bit wonky to me, so I'll wait & see when it actually airs. I'm looking forward to it, anyway.

I think the baby's name's cute. Now that I've stopped ranting that they haven't named it Duncan :P

[jejo763]

About Jack: When killed, he comes back to life - seconds later. Mmmm....no! Abaddon anyone? *shakes head* So many mistakes. a freelance band of fighters???? What the everloving f***? Are we talking about the same Torchwood?

I'm not even going to touch the slut shaming of Jack.

I just... no. Just no. I'll wait for the others to watch it, then decide if it's worth it. It's probably not anyway.

Whew, off my chest.

[squirrelytonks.livejournal.com]

oh FECKING HELL...

"She was the heart and soul of an organization called Torchwood" Heart & soul my ass...

*grumbles*

i get a little hope for the series with Jane Espenson writing for it and with that they just destroyed it...

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

I'm really happy with the name 'Anwen', actually.

I tried to be open minded ... but the more I hear about it ... gah. I am going to watch the first episode or two, because I promised myself I would. But ... maybe I should just stop reading about it, because everything I read from the official pages is just a massive case of "and then ... it got worse ..."

And even if the descriptions do sound wonky, they're from the official site, with official authorisation out there for press to use. Maybe they're ... I dunno ... Gah. There we are! They're 'gah'. XD