Silver (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
a_silver_story) wrote2007-09-04 01:35 am
a_silver_story) wrote2007-09-04 01:35 am
Entry tags:
One Shot: Rare Occurences (Noel Fielding, Russel Brand)
Title: Rare Occurences
Chapter: N/A (one-shot)
Characters: Noel Fielding, Russell Brand
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
a_silver_story
Genre Humour, Stupidity
Rating: Suitable for everybody, i should think
Warnings: Rape, opression, Dark stuff
Disclaimer: Does anybody actually own Noel and Russell?? Well, if they do it's certainly not me :)
It was upon a very rare occasion that Noel Fielding ever really thought. And it was upon an even rarer occasion that Noel Fielding ever really thought hard. He had, in fact, been thinking hard for all of two seconds. About what? He couldn’t really remember... He shook his head. Stupid thoughts, he thought. Who needs thoughts? He thought again.
At this moment, Noel’s good friend and bum buddy Russell Brand came crashing through the door. Noel’s brain cells were thankful for this, as they were being a little bit overused.
“OI!! How many times, Brand! Open the door before you walk through it, you boomberclarke!”
Russell ignored him. “Look what I found!!!” He chirruped, brandishing a brown envelope in his androgynous friend’s perfectly pampered face. “Look what I found!!!”
Noel sighed and looked at what he had found.
“…an envelope.” He said, rather unimpressed. He'd got over enveleopes at around the age of 25. Russell, it seemed, hadn't.
“More than just an envelope, Noel!" snapped Russel."Look closer!”
Noel looked closer. “...An envelope with ‘Top Secret’ stamped all over it in red ink.”
“And who do we know who collects stamps?” Squeaked Russell, the excitement invoked by some brown paper proving too much for him.
“Julian?” said Noel, who looked suddenly hurt. “But … But … Julian … Julian wouldn’t keep anything secret from me!”
Russell smiled slyly. “It won’t be secret from you if you open it!”
Noel hesitated. It certainly was tempting. The brown paper, the red letters, the whole sealed-ness of the damn thing. He took it out of Russell's grip, and weighed it in his hands. Hmmmm, he thought (and winced), just a little peek won't hurt ...
He slid a manicured fingernail under the flap, and neatly ripped it open.
"Don't hold your breath." he told Russell. "It's probably something boring - Oh!"
Inside was one sheet of A4 card. But not just any card - oh no! Silver card. Shiny silver card. Card so silver and so shiny, you could see your reflection in it! Russell suddenly collapsed into a heap on the floor. He'd been holding his breath. Fool.
Noel rolled his eyes, got down on the floor to help his friend regain conciousness via mouth-to-mouth resucitation [insert slash here ;)] and dropped the mirrory card. Just as Russell was coming round, through double vision and swirling shapes, he just about managed to read what was on the back of the card, as it had flipped in the air as Noel dropped it in his eagreness to, er, "resucitate" his friend. yeah.
"Blimey, Noel! Look at that!" he pointed at the card. Scrawled over it in big, red, non-toxic wax crayoned letters were the words "RUSSELL BRAND, KEEP AWAY FROM THE CONTENTS OF MY FRIDGE!"
Noel looked at Russell. "You've been invading the contents of Julian Barratt's fridge?"
Russell looked at Noel. "I didn't! I swear I never, Noel!" He put on his best puppy-eye face in an attempt to melt Noel's heart.
"Where did you find this envelope?" he demanded. "It was obviously somewhere he knew only you would look! The hairspray drawer? His antique clothes collection? Up his ..." Noel stopped for a second. He hadn't thought this one through properly. It would have hurt too much. "...magic trumpet?"
There was a strange silence here.
"I'm sorry, Noel! I feel so guilty about it now! I only wanted some low-fat-dairy-free-caffine-free-additive-free quiche! He refused to make one for me, and so I was forced to find an alternative."
"You should never invade another man's fridge! Now, where did you find this?"
"In the big white box."
"Big white box? What big white box?"
"The lighty up big white box."
"What lighty up big white box?"
"The lighty up big white box in the kitchen!"
"RUSSELL! That's the fridge!"
"Ahhhhhh so that's why it said "keep away from the contents of my fridge" in big letters on the back of the mirrory card!"
It had slipped the minds of both the boys that the card could double as a mirror. They forgot their plight, flipped the card over so it was magical mirrory shiny side up, and proceeded to do each other's hair for an hour or so.
Fin
a_silver_story's Fanfic Index
Chapter: N/A (one-shot)
Characters: Noel Fielding, Russell Brand
Author:
a_silver_storyGenre Humour, Stupidity
Rating: Suitable for everybody, i should think
Warnings: Rape, opression, Dark stuff
Disclaimer: Does anybody actually own Noel and Russell?? Well, if they do it's certainly not me :)
It was upon a very rare occasion that Noel Fielding ever really thought. And it was upon an even rarer occasion that Noel Fielding ever really thought hard. He had, in fact, been thinking hard for all of two seconds. About what? He couldn’t really remember... He shook his head. Stupid thoughts, he thought. Who needs thoughts? He thought again.
At this moment, Noel’s good friend and bum buddy Russell Brand came crashing through the door. Noel’s brain cells were thankful for this, as they were being a little bit overused.
“OI!! How many times, Brand! Open the door before you walk through it, you boomberclarke!”
Russell ignored him. “Look what I found!!!” He chirruped, brandishing a brown envelope in his androgynous friend’s perfectly pampered face. “Look what I found!!!”
Noel sighed and looked at what he had found.
“…an envelope.” He said, rather unimpressed. He'd got over enveleopes at around the age of 25. Russell, it seemed, hadn't.
“More than just an envelope, Noel!" snapped Russel."Look closer!”
Noel looked closer. “...An envelope with ‘Top Secret’ stamped all over it in red ink.”
“And who do we know who collects stamps?” Squeaked Russell, the excitement invoked by some brown paper proving too much for him.
“Julian?” said Noel, who looked suddenly hurt. “But … But … Julian … Julian wouldn’t keep anything secret from me!”
Russell smiled slyly. “It won’t be secret from you if you open it!”
Noel hesitated. It certainly was tempting. The brown paper, the red letters, the whole sealed-ness of the damn thing. He took it out of Russell's grip, and weighed it in his hands. Hmmmm, he thought (and winced), just a little peek won't hurt ...
He slid a manicured fingernail under the flap, and neatly ripped it open.
"Don't hold your breath." he told Russell. "It's probably something boring - Oh!"
Inside was one sheet of A4 card. But not just any card - oh no! Silver card. Shiny silver card. Card so silver and so shiny, you could see your reflection in it! Russell suddenly collapsed into a heap on the floor. He'd been holding his breath. Fool.
Noel rolled his eyes, got down on the floor to help his friend regain conciousness via mouth-to-mouth resucitation [insert slash here ;)] and dropped the mirrory card. Just as Russell was coming round, through double vision and swirling shapes, he just about managed to read what was on the back of the card, as it had flipped in the air as Noel dropped it in his eagreness to, er, "resucitate" his friend. yeah.
"Blimey, Noel! Look at that!" he pointed at the card. Scrawled over it in big, red, non-toxic wax crayoned letters were the words "RUSSELL BRAND, KEEP AWAY FROM THE CONTENTS OF MY FRIDGE!"
Noel looked at Russell. "You've been invading the contents of Julian Barratt's fridge?"
Russell looked at Noel. "I didn't! I swear I never, Noel!" He put on his best puppy-eye face in an attempt to melt Noel's heart.
"Where did you find this envelope?" he demanded. "It was obviously somewhere he knew only you would look! The hairspray drawer? His antique clothes collection? Up his ..." Noel stopped for a second. He hadn't thought this one through properly. It would have hurt too much. "...magic trumpet?"
There was a strange silence here.
"I'm sorry, Noel! I feel so guilty about it now! I only wanted some low-fat-dairy-free-caffine-free-additive-free quiche! He refused to make one for me, and so I was forced to find an alternative."
"You should never invade another man's fridge! Now, where did you find this?"
"In the big white box."
"Big white box? What big white box?"
"The lighty up big white box."
"What lighty up big white box?"
"The lighty up big white box in the kitchen!"
"RUSSELL! That's the fridge!"
"Ahhhhhh so that's why it said "keep away from the contents of my fridge" in big letters on the back of the mirrory card!"
It had slipped the minds of both the boys that the card could double as a mirror. They forgot their plight, flipped the card over so it was magical mirrory shiny side up, and proceeded to do each other's hair for an hour or so.
Fin
a_silver_story's Fanfic Index