Torchwood IMs: Ianto and Jack Talk Weddings

[a_silver_story]

Title: Ianto and Jack Talk Weddings
Chapter: 32
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour
Rating: R
Warnings: M.M implied
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: Jack + Ianto = A bit of 'alreet' as we say up North.



FIRST PART | Ianto and Gwen's IM's


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PART 32 |



JACK has entered the conversation



JACK: IANTO IANTO IANTO IANTO!!

MR JONES: What what what what?

JACK: I’ve had an idea!!!!

MR JONES: Oh buggeration. What now?

JACK: If we cut back on coffee and take-away consumption, send the SUV to the garage less and put Gwen on eBay ... TORCHWOOD COULD GET A JET!!
JACK: And all without the inconvenience of you selling your flat! ^_^

MR JONES: ... put Gwen ... on eBay?
MR JONES: ... that’s your pitch? You intend to gain financial security by cutting back on caffeine and pizza .... and team members?

JACK: Wow you catch on quick!
JACK: We could use Gwen’s wages to pay for fuel and upkeep!

MR JONES: Please can we forget the Batman idea? You promised me that the leather costume would be the last I’d hear of it.

JACK: I know but then I had my moment of genius :-P

MR JONES: ... I wonder ... what would Gwen say about you selling her on eBay?

JACK: Ohhhhhhh god no don’t tell her! It was just a joke! Don’t make her come to my office and make me sit in my chair while she scolds me about my boundaries in my own bloody organisation!!!

MR JONES: Only if you make it up to me.

JACK: How? ;-)

MR JONES: On Sunday my cousin’s getting married. I want the day off.

JACK: You organise the days off – since when did you need to clear it with me?

MR JONES: ... because I was hoping you might take the day off, too.

JACK: Oh. Right.

MR JONES: You don’t have to, if you don’t want.

JACK: Rift permitting, I’ll go. :)

MR JONES: Rift permitting goes without saying ... but if you really don’t want to come that’s fine. Just say now. I won’t be offended.
MR JONES: ... but if I find any fake Rift alerts you’ll be up shit creek without a paddle.

JACK: I said I’d go ... but only on one condition ....

MR JONES: ... we’re not sneaking off to the bridal suite. No no no no no no no no no no.

JACK: ... save a dance for me? *puppy eyes*

MR JONES: Only if you stop putting yourself on my “To Do” list.

JACK: NEVER!

MR JONES: *sulk* fine.
MR JONES: But I’ll dancey wiv yu anywaysies.

JACK: Yay!
JACK: ... where do we stand on the whole “pull a bridesmaid” tradition?

MR JONES: As long as you go for the one that isn’t my sister, it’s fine.
MR JONES: But I want alllllllllll the details afterwards!

JACK: Before, during or after fucking you?

MR JONES: I like it during. ;)

JACK: hannnnggg on ..... you never said your sister was going!

MR JONES: It’s my cousin’s wedding. Of course my sister is going.

JACK: Oh. Yeah.

MR JONES: You don’t like her?

JACK: She’s a little ungrateful, is all.

MR JONES: She just doesn’t know what to say.

JACK: Not what I heard

MR JONES: What do you mean? What have you heard?

JACK: She had a conversation with Gwen the morning after you got back from Australia.

MR JONES: About us?

JACK: Yep.

MR JONES: Is it bad? What did she say? Gwen never said anything to me!

JACK: It’s not bad ... but it’s not overly positive either.

MR JONES: Just TELL me Jack!

JACK: She just doesn’t understand us, is all.

MR JONES: “doesn’t understand us”?

JACK: That’s what Gwen got the impression of.

MR JONES: Oh.

JACK: She’s not homophobic. She just doesn’t understand. There’s a difference.

MR JONES: yeah.

JACK: She loves you. I was talking to her over breakfast a bit. Her husband gives her loads of shit because of you.

MR JONES: She’s unhappy because of me?

JACK: NO that’s not what I said! US! Because we’re (message cancelled)
JACK: Together.
JACK: because we’re together ... and he doesn’t like that. But does she really treat you any different?

MR JONES: Hard to tell. I barely know her any more. I let my life outside of Torchwood slip away - and now Torchwood is all there is. Torchwood and you.

JACK: Don’t leave.

MR JONES: I’m not going to! Stupid man! I’m HAPPY! I might not have that much going on in my life but I’m happy!

JACK: ... because of me?

MR JONES: No! Because of Mfanwy!
MR JONES: .... OF COURSE BECAUSE OF YOU!
MR JONES: twit.

JACK: :-D

MR JONES: I wish I hadn’t said that now ...

JACK: Whyyyyy :(

MR JONES: I think your ego is interfering with my mobile phone reception ....

JACK: LOL.
JACK: So ... wedding on Sunday!

MR JONES: Yep.
MR JONES: oh ... and Jack?

JACK: Yes?

MR JONES: If you feel the need to bring confetti home with you again, please tidy up after your little pretend wedding or whatever it is you did by the cog door. The paper disintegrates and leaves the dye behind and it’s a bitch to clean.

JACK: hehehe!
JACK: *salutes* SIR YESSIR!

MR JONES: I’m boreddddd now. Can I come down and play?

JACK: You can come down on me whenever you like, Ianto.

MR JONES: ... some lines do get old, y’know.

JACK: You didn’t hear me tell it right!

MR JONES: It’s getting on, so I think a quick shag and some sleep. I really can’t be bothered.

JACK: But my new toyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

MR JONES: We’ll see how you behave on Sunday ;)

JACK: *epiphany*
JACK: Ianto ...

MR JONES: Yeah?

JACK: I think I’m wrapped around your little finger ...

MR JONES: Believe it bitch! BOO YAH!




MR JONES has left the conversation





FIN








... but ... yep ... I think that from the Angst of the Archives F.L.U.F.F may have been conceived and could be delivered shortly ....


Apologies for the deceptive title of this part.

"Batman" returned on request for someone who forgot to leave a name.

"BOO YAH" returned because goddess_ophelia loves it, and so do I!



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Comments

[unrequited1984.livejournal.com]

Ianto Jones, I'd like you to meet someone. His name is Ron Stoppable. He is a character on a Disney television show called Kim Possible.

Ianto: Hi there Ron.
Ron: Yo there suited man! Have you met my molerat Rufus?
Ianto: *Looks at unrequited184* Is there a reason you wanted me to meet a cartoon character from a television show that doesn't even appear in my country?
Me: Why yes, Ianto, there is. Ron would you please demonstrate you personal catch phrase for Mr. Jones?
Ron: A-Boo-Yah!
Ianto: That sounds nothing like me and I don't like what you're trying, however ineffectively you're doing so, to insinuate. I'm now going back to a_silver-story who never compares me to childhood tv characters and lets me shag Jack while wearing an inflatable black dildo. *sniffs and walks away*
Ron: Whu... I don't want to know. I'm in a G rated show... I feel dirty.
Me: *is ashamed*

sorry, the boo yah at the end got me. i'll just be over there *points* being alone in my insanity.

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

... I don't understand what just happened ...





_{*backs away ... verrrry slowly ... making no sudden moves ...*}

[unrequited1984.livejournal.com]

yeah... i was kinda worried about that. that's what i get for making references to a little known american kids show on a british show's slash website. but i promise you if you did understand you'd probably find it funny... probably.

[a-silver-story.livejournal.com]

Of course.



_{*smiles and nods and ushers in men in white coats*}

[lonerstarlight.livejournal.com]

ahahaa

I watched that once, the wonders of the disney channel lol

i just had a random fit of histerical giggles

[unrequited1984.livejournal.com]

im so glad somebody gets it! poor a_silver_story had no clue what i was talking about and i'm pretty sure she thinks im crazy. i can't help it, i love the disney channel!