Jan. 26th, 2010

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Well, guess who's been depressed lately?

But enough of that! Down, children!

I'm back, despite spending the last few days ripping my hair out over silly arguments and trying to keep the peace when no one will really tell me what's going on (and the less said about that, the better), I have been thinking an awful lot about RTD's rather genius idea to try and sell the Torchwood format to FOX.

I admit, I was wary of the idea at first. FOX - the most conservative station in the United States of America - taking over and possibly maybe but not quite yet ordering a pilot for a script they never actually asked for? What could possibly go wrong? If you ask me, that's a smash-hit waiting to happen, considering how everyone is rushing and fighting to claim the rights to the franchise.

So, taking a leaf out of Joss Whedon's book, I have decided to write an open letter to the BBC detailing, in my opinion, the best possible move they could now make for Torchwood [warnings for slight CoE and RTD bash]:

Dear BBC,

I am writing to make you a serious offer for the currently ruined and tattered BBC Wales series Torchwood, before you actually consider selling the format to the US station FOX. After speaking with my accountant, we have assessed its current value and have decided to make you an offer that you simply cannot possibly refuse.

Right now, I hold in my hand a cheque for £100 for the entire franchise, including the rights to continue it into a fourth series on BBC Wales with a new creative team at the helm. I propose that said team may or may not include myself, Chris Chibnall, Joseph Lidster and a five-year-old child with wax crayons to substitute the sorely missed Russell T. Davies.

I would also request that my online friend who I've never actually physically met, [livejournal.com profile] kholran, is allowed to fly over for the duration of the production process. I wish to introduce a brand new concept to Torchwood that will hopefully bring radical change and further strength to the writing and production of the series. This invigorating and original concept is called the 'Continuation Whiteboard', and already I can see it being a huge success. I told Khol that she could be the one to write on it, as long as she doesn't draw cocks.

As I have already paid my license fee for this year, the total I shall be offering in payment (including this non-optional fee) for the Torchwood franchise will be £255.99, which also includes my proffered cheque for £100 and the £15.99 I paid for my rather disappointing and extra-feature-free DVD copy of Torchwood: Children of Earth.

Please consider this generous offer - as Jesus said, the poor man who gives all he has is more generous than the rich man who gives a large portion (or something along those lines) - and I am more than sure you can see just how profitable it will be for both the BBC and the reinvigoration of Torchwood as a show and institution to accept it.



Purveyor of Slash Fiction and Tomfoolery
[hopefully soon-to-be Head Writer and Exec Producer of Torchwood)

On a different note, when I've finished pulling out of my Bad Place, I shall return to publishing fiction. Right now all I seem to be able to produce is Jack-hating bile, so do excuse me if I don't share it with you all in case you try and get me locked up. I was advised to publish it for catharsis, but have decided to go with my 'you still want readers' instinct.

If any of you can think of anything to cheer me up, please share before I turn away from this fandom for good.

Much love to all,




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